This feels a little "illegal", I won't lie to you. But as I've been praying this past week of 2014, I've been feeling something impressed on my heart over and over. And it's not discipline.
As I've been worshiping and praying and just being with the Lord, I feel like He has been showing me something that He wants to work on with me throughout this coming year. Yes, I could definitely stand to gain some discipline in my life--and changing my one word doesn't mean that I won't strive for more discipline this year. BUT. There is something pressing on my heart that I believe is more the heart of what God wants me to FOCUS on this year. And that thing is "humility".
This is vulnerability, right here. But often, doesn't the most substantial and ultimately wonderful changes in our lives come from moments of vulnerability? I suppose this could be my first step towards growing in humility this year. By setting down the more surface level one word I had chosen and choosing to embrace the difficult one.
I struggle with humility in my relationships. I really struggle with the ability to apologize. To humble myself and admit that I was the one that was wrong. I have 2 people in my life that are teaching me humility in relationships on a daily basis: my husband and my daughter. Bryan and Peyton are two people in my life that are very good at humbling themselves and admitting when they've been wrong. They apologize and it's very important to both of them to find resolution for arguments and to move forward with a clean slate. It's been humbling for me because I am more one who wants to pretend it never happened rather than to face the facts head on that perhaps I made some mistakes in the conflict. It's my own pride. My own lack of humility.
I feel an urgency to grow in humility particularly as a parent. The ability to humble myself to my own children and let them know when I've been wrong, I believe can be a great source of freedom and oneness in a parent/child relationship. That humility brings oneness and that oneness brings closeness.
I know that by seeking to grow this year in humility in my relationships, that it will benefit my marriage, my parenting, my family, and really anyone in relationship with me. Of course, it won't be an easy pill to swallow. I'm sure it's going to be a difficult year of struggling with my own pride and in having to lay myself down in areas that are really uncomfortable. BUT I am looking forward to reaping the rewards of humility in my life and my relationships.