This is Right. Right Now.

I'd have to really stop and think to tell you how long we've been here now. Funny how life is moving in slow motion and fast forward all at the same time.

Adjusting to life in our new world has been interesting. But deep at the core of me, amid piled high boxes, thick accents and thicker humidity, I'm at peace. So at peace. I just know this is right. This is where we're supposed to be right now.

Maybe one day I'll sit down and write the full story of how we decided to come here. We had choices, options, discussions and a lot of prayer that lead us to this place. There was turmoil, confusion and upheaval (as I'm sure there always is on the edge of huge life change) but I think that if we hadn't gone through all of that, we wouldn't be standing here as firmly as we are now.

Image Credit: Kelli Marie Photography

Making this decision was huge. Following through with it was a feat. But here we are. Our little family. All five of us. And we're making our way.

I can't tell you how clearly I'm thinking lately. It's like this fog has been lifted off of my brain and I don't even know how or why or what caused my head to clear, but I'm so glad it is.

I feel so content with where God has us right now. Which is funny, because where He has us is in this little temporary apartment in a new town with a new job and new people and new surroundings... but it's all beautiful... because I know it's God-orchestrated.

Trust is difficult. But its result is remarkable.

North Carolina can't visually compete with the beauty we left behind in Vermont. Not by a long shot.... but when I look out my window, I see something beautiful. I see a place with new beginnings. A place with opportunity for us. I see a place that I know I'll one day love. I'm here with an open heart, an open mind, and a humbled spirit. God taught me so, so much in our last couple months in Vermont. I was broken, I was stripped and I was completely barren before the Lord. He asked me to give up everything... He asked me to lay down my will and submit wholeheartedly to His own. He took from me what I thought I was entitled to. He asked me to close out the voices of even the ones I loved most in order to clearly HIS VOICE.... the only one that matters. And in the moment that I truly bent my knee to Him... and not only with words but also with heart and motive obeyed Him... then I felt His pleasure. And within a matter of days... He gave everything I'd laid down.... right back to me. He didn't do it the way I wanted Him to. He didn't make it easy for me. But the peace is undescribable. 

And now, here we are... on the other side of this crazy whirlwind of emotion and decision... and I've never felt closer to God and to my husband. I feel like such a unit with Bryan now. I feel like a grown up, funny as it sounds. I feel ready to be here... FULLY here. This is the first time I've felt this way after a move. And believe me, I've moved  A LOT. I've never lived in one place more than 8 years... and that was from birth to age 8 so I don't even remember it, haha. But for the first time I feel fully present in the place I'm in. Fully committed. Does that mean my eyes don't completely well up with tears when I think of my beautiful Green Mountains back in VT? Nope. BUT I'm ready to bloom where I'm planted. I'm ready to be here 100%. I'm ready to throw myself into my family and my life.

I've learned so much in this past season... so much that I hope to share with you all over the next few weeks and months. I've learned even more about marriage, being a wife, being a mother, being a godly woman and about being a child of God. God has broken me, wrecked me, redefined me and emptied me... and I feel like He's filling me up again with brand new life. He's molding our family.

Image Credit: Kelli Marie Photography
Our new pastor has mentioned in a couple of his sermons, that we are not the point. God's plan and His ways are so much bigger than us and our little trivial details. Does he care about our tiniest need? Of course. But are the point of the master plan? NO. We aren't the point. God is doing something huge and we are simply here to bring Him glory. Not the other way around.  

I love that God works in themes in my life. Ha, I"m sure He does it in other people's lives too haha I just love His love for me and His mercy. He knows I need the reassurance of hearing things a few (or okay, a hundred!) times for me to really grab hold of it. And this is a theme He's working on right now. I'm not the point. Maybe this move wasn't even about me. Maybe it was about my kids... or my husband.... or my sister... or my parents... or some stranger I haven't even met yet. Either way, God is working out His master plan and as I stay surrendered to His will He will move me where He needs me to bring Himself glory. I wouldn't have it any other way.


Liz said...

Such a sweet post Claire! Glad that NC is feeling a little bit like home :) Praying peace and comfort over you & Bryan & those adorable munchkins!

Emily grapes said...

I absolutely loved everything about this post! I love your sincerity and honesty and your true love and trust in Jesus. I especially loved the need to block out all the loved ones voices as I know from my own experience how their voices can really plague you when making and facing major changes in life.

What your pastor said couldn't be more true!

I'm so happy for you and your family. I love that picture and I can't wait to hear more with how you all are doing. =D
Emily at Amazing Grapes

Natalie said...

So glad you are at peace and happy with where you guys are now. Thinking of you guys!

Bech and Marley Evans said...

So this is probably going to be the longest comment ever. I hate that we didn't connect before both of us moved! Yup, we lived in graduate housing in the Fort. We probably did see each other. I walked Jack out around that main field a lot.

And I agree with you on Christians in the North. If you say you are a Bible believing Christian in Vermont, then you really mean it. I definitely am missing that.

Where does your cousin live in Malawi? We lived in Lilongwe (although you might know that from your blog). We spent a week and a half in South Africa for spring holiday, and LOVED it. My husband and I talk a lot about moving back to Africa.