"Talk Time"

In the past couple of weeks, Bryan and I have instituted a new "tradition" (for lack of a better word) in our marriage. We call it talk time.

Our talk time is 30 minutes every day that is set aside for TALKING. (that's it... no code word hoopla here... we seriously do talk!) And ONLY talking. I'm meaning, sit on the couch, cup of coffee, facing each other, turning off the baby monitors, and FOCUSED, INTENTIONAL talk time! It's everyday from 9:00pm-9:30pm and it's SACRED.

Bryan works a 40 hour a week job, in addition to preparing our new home (we are moving into a fixer upper this fall and Bryan--my incredibly sexy tool belt wearing hunk of man--has been doing all the work himself--more to come on the house later though!!!) and I'm busy with the kids 24/ needless to say getting intentional time to talk had become a thing of the past. We were finding that we were arguing more simply because we both felt as though we weren't being heard. It all boiled down to the fact that we had no time to discuss the things that were both on our agendas and on our hearts. There were constantly issues coming up that we were both too tired to tackle or too busy to discuss. We didn't have the time to talk them through.....So we determined to MAKE TIME.

I can't even begin to express the incredible impact "Talk Time" has had on our marriage already! No matter what stress I go through during my day I know that I have an outlet each evening with my husband. A place I can go to share my heart, to be heard and to be understood.

It's funny, if I had read this post as a newlywed I would've been like "Girl, you have some serious issues if you think it's good that you talk to your husband for 30 minutes a day!" But now that I have 2 kids and a husband who is essentially working 2 jobs, I know just how precious those 30 minutes are!

Bryan and I fight less, we laugh more and we understand each other better since beginning our Talk Time routine. Our marriage is in a better place. It is so easy to allow frustrations to build up in a marriage. To build grudges and erect walls in places they don't belong. Talk Time has been an outlet for us. A forum where we feel free to be honest about the things that are troubling us. I constantly look forward to our nightly Talk Time and Bryan does as well.

I would like to encourage those of you who are reading this post to consider starting up a Talk Time plan for your own marriage! Here a couple tips for getting yourselves started:

1) Set a time "limit" on it so that you both know what the expectation is. (I personally think 30 minutes is a great amount of time.)

2) Create a list of "To Do" Topics... the things that you always have in the back of your head that you need to discuss with your spouse but just don't typically get time to.

3) Allow yourself to anticipate this time! Try to get the housework done and have the kids in bed before beginning your talk time so that you can be FULLY engaged. Brew a pot of decaf flavored coffee and clear off the couch so you have a comfy place to sit and talk.

4) LISTEN just as much as you SPEAK.

If you already have something like this in your marriage, I seriously would love to hear about it. Communication is so KEY in having a successful marriage and I love hearing peoples tips on keeping it real in the midst of the crazy parenting years. Also let me know if you start up a Talk Time of your own! Marriage is so close to God's heart and the seeds we sow into our marriages are seeds sown into the eternal Kingdom of God. I truly believe that!

Blessings on your marriages! Oh, and enjoy your holiday weekend!


Tatiana said...

Love this girly! I've been thinking about the same thing lately. Brandon work a lot of hrs as well, and he is naturally not a big talker, which leaves us to very little communication. This long weekend though, it's been great bc. we were able to hangout and talk a lot, which made me think that we really should make more time for each other, even if it's scheduled.
I'm glad that things are working out better for you and the hubs since you've started your talk time :-)

Emily said...

What a wonderful thing you started up. I can see how you'd look forward to this each and every day!

Glad to hear your marriage is strengthening giving each other time to share what's on your hearts. :)

Happy 4th

Callie Nicole said...

Great idea, Claire! We might have to try this.

Kara @ Just1Step said...

Oooh this is a very good idea. Dave and I had a 2.5 hr drive home yesterday, and Krew slept the whole time, so Dave and I got to just talk with no distractions (except the road). It was so wonderful.

Lib at Truly His said...

How awesome, Claire!!! Ike and I just did this too (crazy) ... it is sooo good. It is amazing how busy life can get and how much that time is needed!! LOVE it!

Carly Anne said...

My husband and I have been doing this for quite some time--although we call it "wine time" since we normally have a glass while we chat--and it's been so vital to the health of our relationship!

Beka said...

Girly! This is something Z and I have been doing. NO JOKE. After reading your blog about your podcasts.... we have been going through some of those together! :)

Love reading your posts! :)

ALso: NEXT TIME you are in our area... I think you and your fam should come over for dinner! :)


Beka said...

ALSO: I am grabbing your button for my blog. :)