Being Here

background for anyone who may not know. we recently moved to a small town in Minnesota to take a youth pastor position at a small church replant.

I recognize that my last post was a little "pie in the sky."

The reality is, that it is amazing being here. Not because here is so amazing, but because here is a place of having said yes to God on something He was persistent on.

But being here isn't easy. You expect a form of a Mount Sinai experience... or maybe a Transfiguration. Okay I said yes to God, and now everything is going to move forward with choruses of angels singing and perfect halo-ed lights around us.

But it's messy.

Being here is imposing on living with my in laws while we wait to close on a short sale house that's taking much longer than we'd like. Being here is cranky kids who have had rearranged routines and drastic changes of scenery. Being here is going, "What am I doing?" "What did we leave a solid job for?" Being here is closing my eyes and begging God to remind me all the things He placed on my heart when He asked me to say yes originally.

Being here is boldly facing the critics and telling them you're not actually sure if everything will work out.

Being here is being at peace in total chaos. Being here is missing family, friends, comfort and a house you called home. Being here is putting yourself out there and wondering if you'll live up to expectation. Being here is wondering if you have anything to offer.

Being here is a promised land in the sense of knowing that you've said yes and you are blessed in that "yes place". But being here is wondering if saying yes is worth it.

Being here is being real.

It was the same in South Africa. I remember one of my professors at BCOM saying, "If you don't have a quiet time here and now, you absolutely won't have one on the mission field." Literally and figuratively that couldn't be more right on. We hold up missions, ministry, saying yes... we hold it all up as a place that we'll arrive at. A place at which we will suddenly evolve into our ideal self and all will be right. But it's not.  It doesn't just fall into place. It's rough. It's normal. It's the same temptations, frustrations and failures. It's the same doubts. It's the same sitting in your American dream lifestyle as it is on the mission field in the third world. You're the same person and He's the same God.

But you know what?

Being here is standing in the truth that I obeyed. So it really doesn't matter how all of that feels. I obeyed God. I believed God. Abraham believed God and it was credited to Him as righteousness. God brought that verse to my mind when I was experiencing some doubt the other day. Abraham believed God and it was CREDITED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS.

Do I believe Him?

Do I really believe it was Him that asked me to do this? Do I really believe His promise that He will care for me and complete the work He began?

How can I doubt Him? My perfect, true, faithful God. The one constant in my ever-changing life.

I believe. I say yes. I won't pretend it's easy or simple or clean. It's none of those things. But it's saying yes to God. But it's just being here. Being right here.


Brittany said...

It's been so long since I've been to your blog... came across your Twitter and needed to stop by.

This post spoke to me at lot! I've been struggling to make my way back to God, and it's been difficult. This is just more proof that I need to find Him again and trust him.

Thanks for sharing! <3

Meghan said...

Welcome to MN! It's a great state to live, not that I'm bias or anything :)

viviene @ thejourneyofawoman said...

"If you don't have a quiet time here and now, you absolutely won't have one on the mission field."

That is such a statement. And it's so true!