Water isn't Concrete.

God has been working with me on trust, waiting and patience. After nearly a year of not knowing what our next step in life would be, one whirlwind weekend determined our path and settled our minds. We accepted a great job opportunity, sold our house and packed our belongings over the course of one week. It was exciting and relieving after a season of dancing through trust and fear with the Lord. But days after we unloaded our belongings in a new rented town home, the sale of our house fell through. It felt like a punch in the gut. Feels like a punch in the gut--if I'm being honest.

But something that was spoken to me about a month ago keeps coming to mind. My friend and I asked an older lady in our church if trusting God and having His peace ever gets easier the longer you've been serving Him. This was her response: "When God calls you out of the boat, to walk on the water with Him--you can't expect to step out on to solid ground. Water will never be concrete."  Her words resonated in my very core. Why do I expect to step out in faith onto concrete? Why am I surprised at the raging waves that at any moment could sweep me under? The circumstances in life are never going to be a sure thing. Our plans are never going to go off without a hitch. After all, we're trying to walk on water. But if we keep our eyes focused on His, we can walk across even the most tempestuous waters, as if they were simply solid ground beneath us.

I'm not sure how, or when our circumstances will smooth out for us. But I know one thing's for sure. I'm walking on water. And the going is rough sometimes. And I'll get nervous and I'll look down and I'll begin to sink--but I have the best lifeline I could possibly have. I have a God that is unchanging, that is faithful, that's got it. It's not going to be easy. It's not going to be comfortable. But it's going to be worth it. And that's reason enough for me to get out of the boat.

Spring

Here in Minnesota, spring has been teasing us--playing a little game of catch and release. We've had a couple of balmy, sunny days that have awakened our senses to the freshness of spring air and promised us the hope of an end to winter. But then we've fallen into bed after hours full of mud puddle parades and happy laughter, only to wake again to a white blanket covering our mud pies and lawn chairs. It's a dance the seasons do every year, but for some reason that doesn't make it easier to wait out.

Yesterday was one of the sunny days. I got my kids up from their naps and we marched our selves out the door. I set up a chair, grabbed a book and relaxed while my kids joyfully played around me. It's funny, something about the end of winter puts life right back in your veins. Don't get me wrong, there is magic in the winter season. I love the first snowfall, or even a nice big blizzard: you know the kind where you huddle up in doors under a warm wool blanket with a cup of cocoa and your loved ones. But something about the winter grows long up here. Something about having to hide out within four walls that makes you feel trapped and overwhelmed.

That's why yesterday when the sun was shining, I felt so renewed. That's what the word spring means, by the way. Renewal. As I sat in that chair and looked up at the sky I was awestruck by the beauty I saw. There was a moment where the sun disappeared behind the most billowy clouds. And as the sun was hidden from view, I saw those gilded clouds speeding past. They were teasing me with the strands of the great light they were hiding. Then when at last the sun re-emerged, it burst forward almost animately. I felt it's warmth rush over me. If I was a photographer, I definitely would have captured that moment with my lens. In fact, I wish I was, because it was a beautiful sight. But, since I am a writer I do my best to capture it with my words.

There was something in that moment that reminded me of the process we go through every year with this inevitable transition from winter to spring. It's impactful, as evidenced by the hundreds of statuses on Facebook, the tweets and the blog posts about the seasons change. There are winters in our lives. I realize that's not an original idea-- I know that it's been said and I'm not attempting to present it as a unique impression. But our lives have winters, don't they? Seasons where we feel cold. We feel hidden. We feel trapped. We feel buried under the proverbial snow of circumstance. In those seasons, the clouds around us almost entirely hide the sun. We look up and all we see is darkness and we feel is cold and the absence of clarity, warmth and light. But if we looked closer, perhaps we could see the rushing of those clouds. Perhaps we would notice the gilded outlines that promise there is hope just past their edges. And though winter can be long, and the cold can cut deeply, that moment when the sun reappears... it's a moment that bowls you right over. It releases you in a blinding instant and as it's warmth covers you and its hope engulfs you, there is no doubt that cloud is gone.

Spring is teasing us. And maybe it'll arrive for good very soon, or maybe it won't. But the moments when the sun breaks out from the clouds have to be enough to give us hope. To keep us going. And to remind us, that behind every cloud, the sun is shining; that for every winter, there is a spring.

On Transitioning with Little Ones--How to Move Your Family Well

My eldest daughter has moved 11 times in her 4 years of life. My youngest two have each moved 6 times. Needless to say, we've had to learn over the years how to do transition with young children in tow. Moving was difficult enough when it was just my husband and I, but when we started adding children, moving became a whole other ball game.

In the past 2 weeks, I've had several friends separately approach me to ask for tips on how to move well with little ones. I compiled a list for one friend, and thought I would go ahead and share it with all of you. This is an area where I'd be more than happy to let my loads of crazy experience be to your benefit!

Hope you find this helpful!

Moving Advice (from an experienced moving mom) to Mothers 

-Don't feel like you have to pack room by room. Pack in order of what gets used least to most often. For example, even a month(s) before you move you could pack up pictures off the walls. Especially pack up the things that take time such as fragile decor items that you'll need to wrap carefully in paper (label those small items also!!! believe me when you have 20 frames wrapped in paper and you really just want to hang one specific frame,  you won't want to unwrap them all to find the one.) 

-Small tip--wrap your light bulbs in socks that are missing a partner. Keeps them really tight and secure so they won't break! And neat and tidy. Take the time to wrap your breakables. It's time consuming, but it's better than getting to your new home and finding a favorite item is broken from rough movers or the rough ride in the moving truck.

-Go label crazy!!! Label absolutely everything. Nothing is worse than moving into your new home and needing a measuring cup for a recipe and having no idea which box it's in because your kitchen boxes are only labeled "KITCHEN". Write detailed lists on the boxes of what is inside. If it's a "random" box, make sure to highlight what is in that random box. 

-Try to avoid the last minute "throw it all in" box. Instead, save out a small box for each room or area that can take last minute items. That way you won't be overwhelmed by a last minute box that's got a kids socks, someone's toothbrush, the salt, a dog chew toy and a handheld vacuum cleaner all together. When you're unpacking it's overwhelming enough!! 

-Buy paper plates/bowls/cups/utensils for your last days in your old home. You will want to take your time packing dishes and glasses, so use paper for a week or so. This way you won't be messing with washing dishes and guessing on when you should pack what plates/bowls. Treat it almost like camping your last week. 

-Keep a method to madness. When you move in, be sure to have your boxes stacked neatly rather than all over the floor or in a door way. The reality is that you'll have boxes remaining unpacked for months after your move and to have them arranged neatly in your new home is one main way that you'll stay calm in your chaos. 

-Pack a separate bag with bed linens and pajamas for every member of your family labeled and sorted. Include any nighttime routine items (toothbrushes, face wash, vitamins, etc.). Keep this bag SACRED and always know where it is!!! This way when you're exhausted your first night you won't have to go searching for bed linens to put the kids to bed (or to fall into bed yourself!)

-When your movers (professional or just your friends!!) take things out of the truck, you'll want them to walk things right to the rooms they belong in to save you having to move it later. So label every box with the room it's going to. Also, try to think out in your mind where all your furniture will be going in your new home so you have a clear direction to give to the movers when they ask you where you want things. They'll all be sweaty and asking for a quick response and you'll feel put on the spot (haha talking from experience!) So have a clear plan already formed.

-Plan to order take out your first day in your new home. You won't want to dig out the items to cook, and it will be a fun reward for you all. (and a fun memory!)

-Once you tackle the unpacking process, try to focus in one room at a time. For survival, you  might have to take on the kitchen first, but once those essentials are out….  first tackle the living room. Get it completely unpacked and ready to LIVE IN. Make it HOME right away. So hang up pictures. Hang curtains. Put out the throw pillows. Don't worry that the bedroom is wall to wall boxes--you'll want one place to relax. When you're done unpacking for the day you'll want to put your feet up in a place that feels like home. Also when people come to see your new home and you haven't had time to move everything in, at least you'll have a room to entertain where you and they can both relax and enjoy your home.

-In general, get right in to the details of decorating. Nothing will make you feel at home faster than having those small details. Put out a family picture even if there are still boxes all over. Taking that time will help you remember that you're making a home and that it will look like a home one day soon, even if that day isn't today.

-With kids in transition, one of the biggest things that I've found can help them along is keeping their small surroundings "normal". For example make sure their bed is laid out with familiar sheets the first night. Don't use a (for example) a living room blanket that they're not used to sleeping on. Make sure you've left out their familiar sheets and comforter so they feel "safe" and "normal" when it comes to bedtime in a new place. Also of course, don't forget to keep the favorite stuffed animals out :) 

-Make a big deal out of your fun new home to the kids! Make it a really exciting event! Talk it up to them and tell them about the wonderful times you'll have there as a family. But give them the honor of saying goodbye to their old home. Maybe writing a note to the new owners might help them get closure (something that helped me when I moved at age 8 and again at age 13)

Being Here

background for anyone who may not know. we recently moved to a small town in Minnesota to take a youth pastor position at a small church replant.


I recognize that my last post was a little "pie in the sky."

The reality is, that it is amazing being here. Not because here is so amazing, but because here is a place of having said yes to God on something He was persistent on.

But being here isn't easy. You expect a form of a Mount Sinai experience... or maybe a Transfiguration. Okay I said yes to God, and now everything is going to move forward with choruses of angels singing and perfect halo-ed lights around us.

But it's messy.

Being here is imposing on living with my in laws while we wait to close on a short sale house that's taking much longer than we'd like. Being here is cranky kids who have had rearranged routines and drastic changes of scenery. Being here is going, "What am I doing?" "What did we leave a solid job for?" Being here is closing my eyes and begging God to remind me all the things He placed on my heart when He asked me to say yes originally.

Being here is boldly facing the critics and telling them you're not actually sure if everything will work out.

Being here is being at peace in total chaos. Being here is missing family, friends, comfort and a house you called home. Being here is putting yourself out there and wondering if you'll live up to expectation. Being here is wondering if you have anything to offer.

Being here is a promised land in the sense of knowing that you've said yes and you are blessed in that "yes place". But being here is wondering if saying yes is worth it.

Being here is being real.

It was the same in South Africa. I remember one of my professors at BCOM saying, "If you don't have a quiet time here and now, you absolutely won't have one on the mission field." Literally and figuratively that couldn't be more right on. We hold up missions, ministry, saying yes... we hold it all up as a place that we'll arrive at. A place at which we will suddenly evolve into our ideal self and all will be right. But it's not.  It doesn't just fall into place. It's rough. It's normal. It's the same temptations, frustrations and failures. It's the same doubts. It's the same sitting in your American dream lifestyle as it is on the mission field in the third world. You're the same person and He's the same God.

But you know what?

Being here is standing in the truth that I obeyed. So it really doesn't matter how all of that feels. I obeyed God. I believed God. Abraham believed God and it was credited to Him as righteousness. God brought that verse to my mind when I was experiencing some doubt the other day. Abraham believed God and it was CREDITED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS.

Do I believe Him?

Do I really believe it was Him that asked me to do this? Do I really believe His promise that He will care for me and complete the work He began?

How can I doubt Him? My perfect, true, faithful God. The one constant in my ever-changing life.

I believe. I say yes. I won't pretend it's easy or simple or clean. It's none of those things. But it's saying yes to God. But it's just being here. Being right here.

Black Dirt.

I'm sitting here with an open window just behind my computer screen. I can see the glassy soldier blue lake in the evening glow of a setting sun. The grass is a lush green from a full day of downpours and puddles. The sky is gray but the sun casts a wealthy hue just over the horizon. The wind blows softly and all is just beginning to clear.

The dirt is black. Up until last week, the upturned earth out a very similar window where I sat was red. Red as bricks.

After almost a year of life in the South, the view out my window has changed. We moved back "home" to Minnesota. Back to the place we met, the place we fell in love, the place we brought home our first born. The one place I've lived longest in a full decade.

Changing your life is never easy. Saying goodbye that many times can't even be explained. Some may think that since we've moved so much, it's something we enjoy doing. It's not.

I'll say this once. We move, not for adventure, not of lack of maturity or responsibility, not of a whim, a restlessness or frustration. We move because we are following God. God is not concerned with my routine, my stability or my "roots". God is concerned with advancing His kingdom and I am a resource of His to be used in His way.

We moved here for my husband to take a youth pastor position at a small church in a small town. When I told God "I will go wherever, however, whenever and whyever" He took me seriously. Why was it easier for me to go Africa than to go to a small farming community in MN? God has his own plans. They are higher than mine. He doesn't need to follow my set of plans or my rules. He only needs a life surrendered to Him. His eyes SEARCH THE EARTH FOR HEARTS SURRENDERED.

There is a peace in obedience. A peace that even when you're criticized and laughed at and misunderstood, the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE is pleased. And everything else fades away in light of that awesome reality.

As I look out my window at the lake, the trees, the grass, the black as night dirt, I might as well be seeing the Promised Land. Because God has called me here and I need to ask no questions. And of course I doubt. I wonder. I hear the scoffing and and I read between the lines of skepticism and I lay at night and I wonder what we're doing here picking up our lives and leaving a career path for this... but then I remember... I was not made for here. What I invest in this life will be burned up and lost forever. What I invest in the next life is what will last and exist forever.

I cannot live for myself. It would be foolish to.

God has so clearly spoken that this is right. To ignore Him would be impossible.

When we get caught up in the glorious emotions that burn within God's heart as David did, we begin to see the tremendous unprecedented blessing and power God has planned for this hour in history. We lose our ability to settle for the same ol', same ol'. We burn like torches with strong vision as our fuel. We become people who contend for the power of God available to our generation. -Mike Bickle, "After Gods Own Heart"

Internet!

I'm almost embarrassed to say how much I missed having internet at home. It's kind of sad how dependent I feel on it! I wanted to take the kids to the library last week and realized I didn't know how to get there... I switched on my computer to use Google Maps and remembered that I didn't have any internet. Fail. Ha!

Well, we have internet again and I feel like I'm in the land of the living once more (heehee). We are making progress on unpacking boxes, hanging pictures and making our new space feel like home.

I realized that I never blogged much about this new house before so here's the backstory. We are renting our new home from Bryan's mom who bought the house as an investment. It was a true fixer upper, but since Bryan has a lot of experience in construction, he's been able to do most of the work himself. He put on a new roof and is still working on siding the house. We put in new carpets, a brand new kitchen, and have painted almost the whole place! It's been a lot of work but also a lot of fun. The house is 5 bedrooms, so it's quite a change from our 2 bedroom apartment! We have so much space to spread out and the kids have loved the room to stretch out! Peyton runs almost everywhere in the house and Britany is getting better at crawling every day :)

I do promise that I'll load pictures someday soon....but for now I'm overwhelmed and busy enough :)

I'm excited to get back to blogging when life feels a little more settled. I've missed reading from all of you as well! I'm hoping to set an afternoon or evening aside soon to get caught up.

Lots of Love!

The Lord Directs.

The Bible says that "The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

Interestingly enough, the times in my life that that verse has seemed the truest have always been in retrospect. Funny how a little perspective can change everything.

When I was growing up, we moved a lot. My dad is an engineer--a brilliant, talented, impressive engineer. (I remember this fact being driven home during my teen years when one of my best guy friends in high school wanted to write a paper on my dad... after his "interview" with my dad he bragged to all our friends about the projects my dad had worked on and the great things my dad had done as an engineer) Well, needless to say, my dad faced a lot of lay offs in his line of work. Engineers commonly work on contracts-- couple that with a plummeting economy and you do the math. Well, all that to say, we did move quite a bit. I remember each time we had to move it felt like my entire world was crashing in around me. But now, as I look back, each and every move has been so influential on who I am as a person today. And the steps that those moves led me on have shaped the outcome of my life. Even though in the moment, none of them made sense--they were all pieces of a puzzle. All chapters in my story. And I couldn't have done without even one of them.

Never disdain a chapter in your life. You never know why that step had to be taken. You never can tell what the purpose of that moment in time truly is until you look back. Have you ever been swimming in the ocean--drifting along with current-- and suddenly you look back to your towel on the beach and are shocked with how far you are from it? It's like you didn't know how far you were going until you got there. That how life is. We don't always know where we're going or where we'll end up until we're there. And suddenly upon arriving we realize the significance of each wave, each chapter, each footstep, each decision, each moment.

Trust God. Trust His leading in each moment. You might not know what's happening right now, but you'll know. One day, you'll know.

Accepting Hometown

Church St: Burlington, Vermont

I have a bit of a confession to make. I think that for the past 4 months since we left Cape Town, I've been viewing Burlington, VT as "God's dumping ground." In all honesty. I think I've been guilty of having a mindset that this is just where He dropped us. It couldn't be anything more... I've felt as though since we are nothing more than failed missionaries, God just decided to stash us here where we can sit in a waiting room of sorts until we either find something better to do, or we die. Sounds pretty horrible, doesn't it?! But yeah, that's been my mindset. 

Here's the thing. Burlington is great, okay? But honestly, it's my hometown. It's where I grew up, so I'm entitled to think of it as loser-ville. That's my right. It was the place I couldn't wait to leave... the place from which I dreamed of adventures in the great unknown...adventures away from here. It was part of the reason I chose to go to Minneapolis for college. I wanted a taste of something bigger than population 40,000 being the definition of a big city. I wanted to be able to say "downtown" without referring to merely a stretch of concrete 5 blocks long. And of course, its low lying status was only exaggerated when I told people at college that I was from Vermont and they proceeded to ask me what state that was in.

So when this was the place we came back to after our adventuring (Minneapolis... Phoenix.... Cape Town, South Africa...) of course, I felt like I had wasted my chances on the best and was now being served a piled high plate of second best. 

I realize that I'm probably offending some of my local Vermont readers, and for that, I'm very sorry. I just want to provide the back story so you can understand the change that is beginning to take place in me. Please keep reading as I now will attempt to "un-offend" you...

I trudged into church this morning (literally, trudged. yes, I do miss the sunny beaches of Cape Town right now more than you know...) with this attitude still festering in the deep places of my heart. This deep down, depressed feeling that we gave our best life a shot and missed, so now we're left with this.... As I stepped into the sanctuary, my heart began to be challenged even in worship. (side note: we literally started going to this church last week, and I'm already so blessed. the people are SO friendly and the community feel there is so what we've been needing & wanting) God spoke to me this morning that I am to pursue contentment. To ACTIVELY, PASSIONATELY, LONGINGLY pursue the secret of the kind of contentment that Paul talks about...

Well, then the pastor introduced a guest speaker. A young couple who have recently moved here to plant. a. church. in. Burlington. My neck tweaked. Look, I've been to missions college. I took the church planting course. I've been a missionary in Africa. I know what church planting is. But Burlington? Why? Why Burlington? You're signing up for a congregation of 5. (yes, I know I am a skeptic. Go ahead, judge me. I won't deny it even if you do). Well, the guy started talking. He began to share the vision that he and his wife have for this area... specifically the University of Vermont college students. As he began to talk it was literally as if he took a pick axe to my cold, hard, skeptical heart. He shared some startling statistics about my home state. I can't honestly remember them, and I was holding Britany so I couldn't write them down, but lets just say they were troubling. Basically, this guy was quoting the same kind of statistics I used to look up on the joshuaproject.net... the kind of statistics that would make me want to buy a plane ticket and head overseas to some tiny, least reached nation. But he wasn't talking about some tiny nation somewhere. He was talking about right here. Right where I am. Right where perhaps God has not dumped me... but perhaps where God has placed me.

Jesus said that no prophet is accepted in his hometown. Do you also think that perhaps a hometown can not be accepted by a prophet? Does that make sense? I think that because this is my hometown, I am being blind to its needs. I am so focused on what I left behind and the things I COULD have done, that I am closing my eyes to what I CAN DO.


"Don't close your eyes, this is your life, are you who you want to be?" (-Switchfoot) I constantly ask myself that question. Am I today, who I want to be? Am I living to my full potential? Am I useful? Am I being used? Am I opening my eyes, my heart, my hands, to all that God has for me?

Hearing that guy talk this morning caused me to re-think my attitude. To re-check my spirit. To give myself a swift kick in the butt and think about what I'm living for. My days are not complete, and neither is my mission.

I'm not going to close this post with a fire-breathed mission statement for myself to Burlington. Because I don't have one. But what I am going to close with is a promise to myself to keep my eyes open. To look around for the opportunity that lies just outside my doorstep. I didn't leave my usefulness in South Africa when I boarded that plane. I am not dejected, thrown out, or used up. I still have the same two hands I used in Africa. The same two feet that took me there. I still have the same dreams and desires to change the world that I did when I boarded a plane... and I still have the same God through whom all things are possible.

I may not be called to build a church here, but I called to bloom where I am planted... and I now intend to learn the full meaning of that for me. 

Seasons

The changing of seasons always leads me to start thinking about the season of life I'm in right now. With the first snow flakes falling yesterday, I glanced out the window and began thinking about the changing of seasons in my own life. Of course, the obvious season I'm in right now, is a season of motherhood... and it's a season that will probably last for a few (or many!) years to come. But there's another season that I'm in as well.

It's been less than 2 months since we left the mission field, and I find that my heart is still not sure where to rest in regards to everything that happened. Bryan and I were talking yesterday, and we both realized that we still feel confused about how and why everything happened the way it did. There are still those moments when we feel condemned, lost, confused and unsure. Typically those moments are spurred by someone seeing us in church and saying something like, "Oh wow, I thought you were living in South Africa, what are you doing back?" And then of course, the awkward launching of the explanation... the uncertainty of whether or not they'll understand... and the secret feelings of judgment that you know you shouldn't presume.

This morning I told my mom a little of how I was feeling. She reminded me that God hasn't stopped using me simply because I'm no longer in Africa. She reminded me that there are daily opportunities to shine God's light. There are moments in each day that present themselves with the open door to share a truth that we've been given. There is a mission field in my own home....There is a little girl who climbs up on my lap about four dozen times a day, asking me to read her the same story yet again. There is a man who comes home tired and hungry from work each day, needing a good meal in his belly and clean sheets to lay down in. There is a child in my womb who relies on me for nourishment, breath and a secure place to grow and develop.

I do have purpose. Just sometimes I lose it in the midst of wishing for something more... something "greater". I continually assume that there must be something bigger I should be chasing after... when in reality what I've been given is what I am to be faithful with. And the caring and nurturing of human lives is certainly no small task. My life will change again. And again, and again. That's just the way it goes with the changing of the seasons. But I have a God who is constant, and who will lead me faithfully through each one.

Take a Moment

Things have been so crazy since we arrived in the U.S. and life lately is a whirlwind of unpacking, Walmart runs, organizing, and re-organizing!

In the midst of all the busyness, my favorite time of the day is when I put Peyton to sleep. I wrap her up nice and tight, read her a storybook and rock her in my arms until her steady breathing tells me she's asleep. Each night we dance, listening to the iPod until she's asleep. She loves to listen to music and it helps us both unwind before the end of the day. Lately my favorite song on her playlist has been "What do I know of Holy" by Addison Road. The first time the song came on, I found myself just weeping uncontrollably. It still gets at least a few good tears out of me every time! There is something so beautiful about this song and the revelation in its lyrics. Such a wonderful reminder that God is still God, no matter what is going on around us.

Please take the time to clear your thoughts, play this song and dwell on the reality of who God is. Be blessed by it... as it blesses me each night.

I'm back.

I can't believe it's already been a week since we left South Africa. It honestly feels like we just got back to the States yesterday. Being back is surreal, to say the least. Our heads are spinning! We have been busy, busy, busy since we got off the plane!!! We spent our first day with my parents getting a couple necessities for our home, and then the first night back Bryan's mom arrived to visit! (she stayed with us) We've loved spending time with her and will miss her when she heads back to MN today. It was definitely refreshing to have some "happy hello's" after saying so many sad goodbyes.

I feel like I haven't exactly had time to sit and just think about this huge change that has just happened... I have enough on my mind just trying to get my bags unpacked (eek, yes! some of them are STILL not unpacked!) let alone to process all the thoughts flying through my mind 24/7 about everything in my life that just overhaul changed.

There are the obvious things that I've HAD to process... like driving on the right side of the road... paying in Dollars instead of Rand... actually having a Walmart nearby... Not needing to turn on the hot water 30 minutes before I want to shower or do dishes... Not tipping the cart boy in the parking lot.... (hee hee)... Seeing brand new suburban palaces as opposed to tin shacks on the side of the road... Seeing a whole lot of white people everywhere I look... The list goes on. There are so many ups and downs to this whole process, I'm just trying to find my head in it all. Adjusting to this new life is going to take time... I can tell.

But I never want to forget the things I've seen... the people I've met, the world I've lived in. And I won't. It's not possible.

Leaving.... on a Jet Plane

 "Don't cry because it's over.

Smile because it happened."

-Dr Seuss.

Exactly 24 hours from now, we'll be flying over the African continent, bound for the U.S.

I can't believe how quickly time has gone by--and that we're already headed home tomorrow. By 2pm on Thursday we'll (God-willing) have both feet on American soil.

The goodbyes we've had to say here have been heart-wrenching. It's so amazing to realize how quickly this place and these people have come to mean so much. We have formed friendships here that I hope to maintain over the years. We have made memories that will last a lifetime.

I can't say that I'm fully prepared to "re-enter" (as 'they' call it when a missionary goes home). Today my German friend Justine asked me if I was mentally prepared for the process of re-adjusting to my own culture... and to be honest I just looked at her for a couple seconds. I realized that honestly, I'm not. I hadn't given it much thought. I do remember that even after short term trips that I've taken (a month or less) I have had a difficult time with reverse culture shock. I can't be naive and think I won't deal with that reality--but I have to trust God to lead me each step of the way. Any advice you ladies who have experience with this (Steph?!?!?!) have would help though!!! I know it will be a process.

My heart is so full of the things that God has shown us through these last few days here. He has brought closure to so many areas of our hearts... and affirmation in the most beautiful forms. I can't wait to share my testimony of encouragement with all of you.... but I don't have the time I need to just sit and let my words run free. I'll take some time when we're settled to share it with you :)

We won't have internet set up at our place until the 25th, so there might be a bit of a break before I can post again. You're welcome to check my facebook (Claire Flores--add me if you haven't!!) for status updates from my ipod. If I get a chance to use internet at my parents, I'll update you all on here as well.

Please be praying for us as we face a 24 hour flying experience with a vivacious 15 1/2 month old!!! (and my aching preggo bod!!!!!!!) Thank you, thank you, thank you. :)

Good News!!

We got the place we wanted!!! I am so happy to finally know where we'll be living in just 16 days! My Mom emailed me tonight to let me know the landlord contacted them again to let them know that he has reviewed all our references and we're the ones for his townhouse :) We are so blessed, especially since this townhouse is being rented at a great price. We still have a long way to go to make it "home", but we at least have a start :)

This is a picture of the front of the house that my Mom took when she went and toured it a couple weeks ago. We would have half of the house... it's a townhouse with two separate apartments. I tried to upload a few more pictures... but internet here in Africa isn't exactly lightning speed ;)  I'll have to post more pictures when we move in!!

Thanks so much for all your prayers... they worked! We got the place!!! Now just keep praying like that for our flight, the transition and for Bryan's job!

Much LOVE!

3 Weeks Left.. and WALKING!

Thank you all so much for your comments! I was so blessed and encouraged by everything each one of you had to say. Difficult times in life are always made easier when you have friends to love you through!

We have 3 weeks left here in South Africa. This is such a transitory time in our lives… we are trying to equally “distribute” ourselves between enjoying the time we have left here, and being wise in our preparations for our next step. We are attempting to sign a lease on an apartment in Vermont, but it’s taking forever to get our application processed. It’s so hard to do that sort of thing internationally! We can’t just jump on the phone with the landlord or whoever… Thankfully my parents live in the area, so they’ve been able to do a lot of the legwork for us as far as apartment hunting, car shopping, etc. We’re just really hoping this lease will go through. It’s a nice townhouse within our price range that has 3 small bedrooms and nice backyard. It would be a great place to start out with our family of 4! I’m trying not to set my heart on it too much, as since it’s a great deal, it’s had a lot of interest. But God is in control! He’ll get us the right place. I truly believe that.

In less than a week we’ll move in with my sister and her husband for the last 2 weeks we have here in South Africa. It will be nice to be able to spend some really focused time with them before we leave on the 15^th. We just sold our car this week, so living with Leigh & Andy will still enable us to do ministry since we can car-pool with them. We want to “finish strong” here in South Africa and continue to create great memories with the people we’ve come to know and love.

In totally other news…. I HAVE A WALKER!! Peyton took her first steps last week, and has been working up more confidence ever since! She’s still not full blown walking everywhere, but I’ll look over to see her walking small distances all the time. I’m so proud of her! At 15 months, a lot of other babies her age have been walking for a while, but Peyton has done things in her own time  ; ) Here’s a video of the big moment!!!



I hope you’re all doing well! Leigh and Andy have MUCH better internet than we do, so next week I hope to get caught up with all of your lives!

We're Here!!

Here we are in South Africa. Well, we’ve actually been here for 11 days now, but neither time nor internet have been freely available.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and notes of encouragement. There are so many adjustments and changes that those small wishes from home mean the world.

First and foremost, it’s surreal to be here. Each morning I wake up and I can’t believe that we’re actually here! With all the confusion over the visas, the pregnancy, support and all the small details, we weren’t sure if we would actually make it. To be here is truly a testimony of God’s grace.

There are so many things to adjust to, from grocery shopping to how we use electricity, nothing seems to be the same as in the States. At times it’s exciting, and at other times it’s just downright frustrating! But I know that in time we’ll get into the swing of things and we’ll learn our way for the most part.

We have had two meetings with Africa Jam so far, and were able to spend some time with the kids yesterday. It’s exciting to see the impact that Africa Jam is making in the communities here, and it’s also exciting to think that we get to be a part of that impact.

Before even leaving for South Africa, I felt the desire to help young mothers in this community heavy on my heart. I had been waiting for the right moment to mention that burden to Africa Jam leaders, and to ask them if they see a place for that. Well, in our first meeting, within the first 15 minutes the leader said outright that there is a distinct gap when it comes to unwed mothers and they have a real need for someone to baton that program. Leigh and I IMMEDIATELY volunteered. We are so excited about starting a group for these young women, where they can find support and also valuable teaching on their pregnancies and soon to come new responsibility! There is also a need for someone to come alongside the fathers of these babies and mentor them. Bryan & Andy feel a calling to fill that role as well.  In this type of community, when a young girl falls pregnant, she is cast out and is considered to have brought shame upon herself and her family. There is little support for her. Leigh and I envision having a weekly or even twice weekly support group where these girls can come and share their hearts. Leigh and I hope to be a testimony to them of godly mothering (help us be that, Lord!).

I have been struggling to find my place here, because I feel as though I just don’t have much time to devote to ministry. Peyton is truly a full time responsibility and now with our second little one due to come in December, I feel as though I will have even less time. I’ve struggled with the thought that I don’t belong here and can’t be useful here. But I realized last night that even if the only thing I do here is that group with the young mothers, than I have been useful. I will continue, of course, to foremost be a mother to Peyton and to this new little one growing within me. But I am here enabling my husband to work in full time ministry, and for me to do the little ministry I can. I had such a freeing moment last night when I realized, that no one expects me to be doing 40 hours of ministry a week in addition to raising a godly daughter and being pregnant!!! My first obvious calling is to be a godly wife and mother. The rest will come.

I have a vision to bring one of these young girls into my home and to let her give birth here (well, in a hospital, but to spend the time before her delivery and her recovery time here) I think it would be such a great impartation of blessing on a girl’s life if I could be here for her during that time. To be able to serve her meals as she adjusts to the new role of mothering. To be able to take her baby when she desperately needs rest. I’m not sure exactly how that will look especially with my own delivery coming in 6 months, but I know that if this is truly a vision from the Lord He will make it possible.

There is so much still to learn and still to discover here. But for now we’re taking it a day at a time.

I have to confess that I have felt quite a bit of homesickness already. It’s hard not to pine for Super Walmart when you’re standing in a grocery store where you don’t know any of the brands, and you can’t figure out the exchange rate to tell if you’re getting a good deal! And it’s hard not to think of my family back home, and not to miss them terribly. It’s hard to NEVER hear an American accent past your own teammates. It’s hard when every piece of food you bite into tastes nothing like home. But God has been gracious and He is helping me each step of the way.

Thank you again for all your prayers.

I’ll update again soon 

Oh, and just the way internet is here (pay as you go), I’m not sure when I’ll be able to post pictures… so bear with me, k?

Let the Countown Begin!

Yes, it is 4 am in my time zone. As you know, I had the stomach flu Saturday and Sunday... and because I took so many naps throughout the day yesterday, it's proving impossible for me to sleep tonight. Also, Bryan came down with the flu last night so it's been a restless night for everyone in our home. We're praying very hard that Peyton remains protected from the worst of this virus. She refused her dinner last night, but was able to nurse before bed. She has slept through the night so hopefully that's a good sign. I'm so anxious for this sickness to be on its way out the door!

Can you believe that in SIX weeks, we'll be moving to South Africa? It's so crazy. I don't even know how to begin to process it, honestly. It's so hard to wrap my head around the fact that everything we know as familiar is about to change. I know there's a lot of things I'm going to miss about America. This is my country... the world I grew up in. History was always my favorite subject in school because I loved studying the stories of how our country was born... and the things that made us great. And of course, I'm going to miss the people here the most. But it's not like we'll never be back to visit :) It's funny, because if I had my choice, I'd live close to my parents and share life with them. But God asked me to do something different, and I have to trust Him. I have to keep an eternal perspective. I'm not here to live for myself. I'm here to be a servant of God and to do what He asks of me, no matter the cost. It's not an easy life, but He never said it would be, right?

"Ships in the harbor are safe; but that's not what ships are for." 

Please keep us in your prayers in these final weeks. There are SO many emotions to sort through! Not to mention a million loose ends to tie up.

Just a Day at a Time...

I haven't posted in a while because I'm in Vermont... visiting my family for one last time before I head across the ocean.

You could safely say this trip has been full of mixed emotions. I'm so sad to know that this is my last time with my parents for a while... but I'm excited to think that this means our move to South Africa is really happening... and soon.

My motto has become "A day at a time..." and I've truly  been living it. I'm doing my best to simply take it a day at a time... knowing that we are not promised tomorrow... and therefore we must cherish today and live it to the fullest.

It has been so wonderful to be with my parents and brother. These are precious moments I wouldn't trade for anything.

Of course, I'm missing Bryan LIKE CRAZY! I can't wait to be back in his arms! I've said it before, and I'll say it again... married couples just aren't meant to be apart! It's just not right! But once again... a day at a time! I'm content knowing that this time with my parents is worth even the separation from Bryan.

Sweet Peyton has been thoroughly enjoying Grandma & Grandpa. Their constant doting is life-giving to her... and she readily offers them grateful smiles whenever they chance to look her way. Unfortunately, she seems to be coming down with her first cold :( BOO! Her delicate little coughs and the telltale rattle in her chest break my heart! She's more snuggly than usual and just seems sick... it only make me baby her more than I already do! And my poor baby is cutting not one, but TWO teeth right now! She really has alot going on... but she still manages to be the happiest baby I've ever met... even in the midst of not feeling very well!

Tomorrow we're going to climb Mount Philo... not a huge mountain here in Vermont... but it still offers a delicious view of the most gorgeous state in our country ;) Vermont will always hold such a special place in my heart... no matter where on the globe I find myself. Even though I've adjusted to being far away from it, I still think of it as home.

Only two more months until we leave the country! Wow... I can't even begin to relay all the feelings that continually whirl around inside of me! One day I can't contain myself I'm so excited, and the next I'm so terrified I can't think straight! Some days I relish the thought of flying across the ocean to a new land, and others I can't help but despair at the thought of leaving my country and everything familiar. But God is in control... and I have to trust that He will carry me through this new chapter just as He has carried me through each one before it.

He NEVER FAILS! Never has, never will.

Catch Up and an Award!

I am well aware that I was in dire need of a new blog post. My days have been curiously packed (do I sound like a broken record? I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately). Maybe it's because I really am busy, or maybe it's because my time-management skills are lagging.... but either way I haven't had much time to sit down and pour my heart out.

I am so excited to report that we have purchased our tickets to South Africa! Ladies, this is SUCH a huge step for us and I'm shaking as I type this to you, because I can't believe that this is all truly coming together! On May 30th, we will be boarding a plane and making all those dreams and plans a firm, concrete reality! (P.S. If any of you are new here, and don't know our story, check out our website!) It's exciting, scary and overwhelming! There is so much to do and, as you can imagine, preparation has all but completely consumed our time lately! There are visas to procure, apartments to investigate, last minute loose ends to tie, and of course, goodbyes to be said.

Peyton is doing wonderfully! She is crawling now, which is such an exciting development! I love that she can follow me around! She has such a fire and spunk and it's so exciting to see her slowly but surely learning how to express her unique personality. She is now eating all sorts of new foods and I love her reactions to all the different flavors and textures :) Motherhood still never ceases to amaze me.

Although my reading of Captivating has been placed on the back burner for now, the journey of self re-discovery has not. I'm still learning more about myself everyday as I prepare to go on the mission field and finally do the thing that has stirred the passions of my heart since I was a little girl.  I promise I'll get back to reviewing Captivating with you when I get time again :)

I just wanted to catch up with you girls! I'm sorry this is so scatter-brained... I wrote this post over the course of a couple hours between doing all the other things I have to do today! After this, I'm headed to catch up with all of your blogs!

OOOOO! But first!!! I almost forgot! Sweet Brittany Ciara over at Not Your Average Teen Awarded me with a beautiful Award! Thank you so much sweetheart! If you haven't checked out her blog already, head on over! She is such a beautiful young woman who has inspired me and shocked me with her maturity and pure heart! Check her out!

Okay, this is how this award works!

• Put the logo on your blog or within your post.
• Pass the word to 12 fellow bloggers.
• Link the nominees within your post.
• Share the love and link the person from whom you received this award.

I have to admit that I am going to be SUCH  a party pooper... I don't have time to link this up to 12 other bloggers, so I'm just going to award this to one brand new blogger who I just discovered today!  She is new to the blogging world, so head on over and welcome her :)


Her name is Cath and she's over here at the Here 'N' Now! Enjoy your award Cath, and welcome to Blogger!

Living in the Desert!

I'm almost embarrassed to write this update, because I haven't blogged in sooo long! We had some complications getting internet set up in our house though, but we finally have it fixed :)

Wow! Where to begin? We've been here for about a week and a half now, and I have to admit, I love it. It's really beautiful here... a very different beauty than I've ever really known, but beautiful all the same. The mountains (and cactuses!) are almost mean looking, but they're contrasted by these beautiful palm trees and warm sun. It's the "rainy season" right now, so there's quite a bit of greenery which alot of people have told me will disappear in summer. Weird to think of greenery DISAPPEARING in summer!! I'm such a northerner through and through! And I have to say, the way we northerners take pride in being tough in the cold and snow... is the same way these south-westerners take pride in toughing out the heat! They're really scaring me with tales of not being able to leave your house in April because it's so hot!

We've been for a couple hikes already and the "wildnerness" here is alot of fun. There are so many cool trails and mountains, and you can stumble on turquoise mines all over the place! So cool!  (Sorry about Bryan's weird pose in this picture, lol, not sure what he's doing!!!)

Peyton LOVES riding in her back pack carrier. Honestly, she thinks she rules the world when she's up there! She smiles and looks all around at everything with this snub little look on her face! Haha it's great. She'll skip naptime and even feedings when she's in there because she has so much fun!

As much as we love hiking around Arizona, there's a lot of work to be done as well. As I explained earlier, we moved into Bryan's late great-grandmother's house and we are helping to fix up the house and clean it out. It's been a lot of fun to think about how to landscape her backyard, and what to do to improve the house. Bryan also is now working to sell the antiques and other items in the estate. He loves the work, and we are able to more than live off of what he's getting paid, which is a huge blessing.

If all continues to go well, we will be in South Africa in June! We are praying that the Lord would continue to prepare the way for us.

We found a church home here in Arizona! Broadway Christian Church. We really love it and think we'll fit in well there. We actually met a guy in Walmart last week and he stopped to see Peyton, and we ended up talking, and he mentioned that BCC is his church home, so we decided to check it out! Is that the Lord, or what??? We love the energy at their contemporary services and the preching is rock solid and right on. We're excited to have found a chuch home so quickly... now we just need to plug in and make some new friends :)

I'm staying really positive, but it is hard to be in a place where you really don't have any friends. I miss the community of close friends and the luxury of calling up a girlfriend to do lunch, go shopping or catch a movie. I'm praying God will bring me a sweet friend soon.

Well, I have a million and one things to get done today... I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive :) But before I go, Thanks so much to Steph for these thoughtful awards!

Quick Update from the Road

Hey all! I don't have much time to post, but I just wanted to let you all know how things are going thus far... We had a safe trip here to my sister's house in Ohio. We are staying with them for a few days before hitting the road again. Peyton did great in the car ride, but we were all VERY ready to be done.

We made a decision for Bryan to continue the road trip from here (Ohio) on Wednesday, and for me and Peyton to stay here a few days and then fly out to meet him on Friday. As much as we were looking forward to our road trip adventure, we realized that it wasn't fair to little Peyton. Riding in a car seat in the back of a packed car is hardly what I would consider fun! She can't enjoy the crossing of each new state line, getting cappucino at a gas station, taking crazy pictures all over the U.S., etc. She only sits there with her toys getting bored and sore!!!!

It will be nice to have a few days with my sister and her sweet baby. I'm sure many pictures will be coming your way in the next few days ;)

For now, we're headed out to go bowling with my sissy and her husband! Just wanted to let you all know we were safe... and what our plans our for the next leg of this LONG trip :) Much love to you all!