One Thousand Gifts {GIVEAWAY}

If you read my last post then you know that I am currently reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

And you also know that it's changing my life.

One Thousand Gifts is a book about thanksgiving. It's about writing down the gifts that God has given us--no matter how small or seemingly mundane. It's about taking each slipping moment and consecrating it. Ann encourages her readers to begin keeping a journal where they write one thousand gifts. As I've been writing this list myself, I've found beauty in the most normal instances. I've found beauty in a little girl chasing a butterfly. In the sound of gravel crunching beneath my feet. In the smell of a stone cellar reminding me of my girlhood. To consecrate the moments is to consecrate the life. And to walk in thanksgiving is to walk right into His presence. Thanksgiving has this way of taking our hearts and righting them. Thanksgiving puts things in perspective. Thanksgiving restores triumph to the defeated soul.

This book has helped me to recognize my need to be so much more thankful to God for the gifts in my life. This book has re-opened my eyes to a wonder that I somehow lost since childhood. The art of finding the splendor of each moment.





Shortly after I wrote my last post, Ann's publicist contacted me asking if I would be interested in giving away One Thousand Gifts to one of my readers! I am so excited for the opportunity to share this incredible book with one of you. Please, enter away... and share, share, share this giveaway with others!

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Just so you know, Part 2 will be delayed.

A few people have asked me when I'm going to post part 2 of Hunter's story. I have to be honest with you and say, I'm not sure when.

What I will say is that Hunter was able to leave the NICU and come home to us on March 28th-- 13 days after he was born. I want to say thank you all for the continued prayers, love and support you extended to us during such a dark time. Hunter is thriving at home, and is gaining weight even faster than his doctors had hoped! He is a happy and content little one month old :) Looking at his perfect little face you'd never know what he's been through already.

The reason I'm not posting part 2 just yet, is because since Hunter has been released from the NICU, our home has been filled with more laughter, joy, contentment and peace than we have had in a while. Each time I sat down at my computer to type out the darkest moments of our journey, I simply couldn't face the sadness. It's not a tempting choice to face all that pain when you're standing in a place of so much happiness. Does that make sense? Hunter's time in the NICU was the hardest thing we've been through. We dealt with possibilities that we've never even before had to think about. We dealt with emotions that we hadn't even dreamt up in our worst nightmares. The scary reality of possibly losing a child was so painful, that frankly, I'm just not ready to re-live it all.

So for now, I want to let you into the joyful part of Hunter's life rather than the painful part. One day I will type it out... mainly because I do want Hunter to one day know in full the road he's walked and the amazing things God has done for him and through him already. But for now, I want to dwell in this place of happiness and remarkable gratitude. Because this is how we face Hunter's life.

31 Week Bump Update & Morning Sunshine

Sorry this is a TERRIBLE quality photo.. and it's really JUST my belly haha.... But there it is... my belly at 31 weeks  with little Hunter :)


How far along are you? 31 weeks and 1 day :)

How big is baby? About 3.9 lbs (the size of a head of lettuce, lol)

Weight gain? 25 pounds (shudder!!!)

Maternity Clothes? more every day :) I still have a pair of jeggings that aren't maternity that I wear often, but more and more my maternity pants are calling to me! They are just so much more comfy! And I've definitely taken to wearing sweats more around the house :)

How are you sleeping? I've been sleeping well at night (aside from getting up a lot to pee!) but it's hard to get naps during the day. My body begs me for them, but it's not always practical with 2 little ones around. I try to nap when I can though, even for a few minutes at a time.

Movement? As with all my babies so far, YES! Lots and lots of it. I never have to wonder if he's in there... little Hunter is always reminding me of his presence with lots of rolls, kicks, jabs and flips! He does seem to settle at night which makes me hopeful that he'll be another good sleeper like Miss Britany :)

What I miss: I miss being skinny! Always! But beyond that I miss being able to accomplish all the things around my house that I'd like to. We are still very much in the renovation phase with this home and there are SO many little projects that I'm dying to get my hands on. But a lot of them have to do with painting, and even though I know they make paint with much milder fumes these days, it's freezing cold and the fact that I can't even practically crack a window while I paint makes me too nervous to do it. I'm looking forward to being able to get cracking at my to do list once Hunter gets here (whenever I have time between chasing 3 kids, of course!)

What I'm looking forward to? My mom is throwing me a baby shower on March 9th! I'm so excited! I can't wait to get together with some of my girl friends and get excited about this new little life inside me! And we are slowly but surely preparing Hunter's room and it's getting me really excited to meet this little man.

**********

We are finally on the upswing from all the sickness that has been in our home! Both girls are on antibiotics for ear infections, and I'm glad they're on the road to recovery. 

I'm so thankful for the sunshine that's been pouring through my windows lately. The warmth of its rays remind me that there is a spring to every winter and a hope with every morning. As I reflect on the past few "seasons" of my life, I'm so thankful that God has been by my side through each step. He has used every moment to lead me to where I am right now, and I am so at peace with that. I have daily frustrations and disappointments, but the overwhelming sense of peace that "surpasses understanding" is ever present. God is constantly opening my eyes to new knowledge. I am learning to slow down in the crazy moments and seek quietness. I am learning the all important lesson that sometimes I need to stop being such a Martha, and practice being a little more like Mary. I have a tendency to rush around my home like a mad woman cleaning and cooking and preparing and........ and putting the emphasis on the temporary rather than the eternal. Because in the moments when I simply sit in His presence, sipping a cup of hot chocolate and feeling the warm sun on my face... those are the moments that will last. The floor will always need sweeping and the dishwasher will forever need unpacking. But the tenderness in my heart towards my Lord can easily be lost. I must submit myself daily to tending the fire of my soul. I must practice wonder and dwell in hopefulness. I must set my hands to a different "plow". Set aside the sponge and the polishing rag and pick up the Word and the praise. God will meet me. And my home will run all the more smoothly as a result. These are the things I have to remind myself of constantly. But praise God, He is patient. 

Unashamed.

"Are they BOTH yours?" The host at Applebee's fairly cringed when I walked in the door with my one year old on my hip and my 2 year old in tow. My coat slipped open as I bent over to wipe my daughter's nose.
"OH MY GOD!" He exclaimed. "You're PREGNANT!"
"Yup." I responded, really just wanting him to do his job and take me to a table rather than gawking over my reproductive choices.
"Well, you've been busy" He turned on his heel and led us to a table in the back-- furthest from any other customers. I sighed in relief when he walked away, settling into my booth and getting my children situated in the booster seat and high chair provided.
"Hey I'm Nick. I'll be your server today." I look up and see the same host who brought us to our table. Great. He's going to be my waiter. Well, maybe he's gotten all his gawking out of the way and now he'll just take my order and get on with it.
"So you look awfully young to have so many kids. How old are you anyway?" No such luck. Uh oh. He's not done.
"I'm 22."
"WHOA! You ARE young! That is just crazy. So, I mean, why?" Why? Really? Does he really want to get personal? Should I launch into a 10 minute explanation of the fact that I'm super fertile and seem to fall pregnant as easily as I blink my eyelids? Should I tell him how most women stop ovulating while they're breastfeeding but my body continues to have a cycle, meaning that I become fertile again very shortly after delivering my babies? Should I tell him that I'm not all that comfortable with hormonal forms of birth control and that in my research I've found that the ways in which it prevents pregnancy are questionable at best and contradict my views on life and its very value? Should I just laugh him off and tell him I like sex? Should I get angry with him and just tell the kid to mind his own business and serve me my lunch? Should I call security? 


I'm ashamed to say I didn't have a good answer for him. To be honest, he caught me off guard. I gave him some ridiculous answer about wanting to have my kids close together so they'd grow up close. True, but not the best thing I could have said, I'm sure. I think anyway he got the message that I wasn't interested in talking about it. And other than a few smart comments throughout the meal about how messy my kids were, he mainly shut up.

But he got me thinking.

So, why?

Why am I due to have 3 kids under 3 just after my 23rd birthday?

All those reasons I thought up in my head certainly have something to do with it. But are any of them really the underscore? Do any of them truly define the reason my family is growing as rapidly as it is? No. I don't suppose they do. None of those reasons offer enough conviction and motivation to choose and continue a radical life style.

At the end of the day, whenever my husband and I discuss the size of our family, or the speed at which we are adding to it, there is one thing and one thing only that comes out of both our mouths.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed..." -Psalm 127:3-5

I don't know how many children we will have. I don't know what God will show us over the coming months and years in regards to our family. But what I do know unwaveringly, is this: 

Children are NOT merely an inconvenience.

Children are NOT an unnecessary expense.

Children are NOT a curse.

Children are NOT an accident.

God is clear on this point. Children ARE a blessing. A REWARD. An inheritance. Who doesn't want all those things? 

My life is messy. My home is messier. My eyes are heavy. My back aches. I don't have it all figured out. I might look like a walking poster ad for birth control. I might be the image that causes people to shudder because they think my life looks so rough. I might be pitied by people for the tolls that pregnancy and child rearing have taken on my body and my time. I might be the example held up of why others want to wait to conceive, or why they want to space their children.

Why did people hug me, jump up and down with joy and slap my husband on the back when we got pregnant with our first.... but then look at us with apologetic eyes when we announced both our second and third pregnancies?

I even question this life so many times a day. If you read my last post, you know that loss of self is one of the hardest things for me about motherhood. I struggle. I falter. 

But in the eyes of the Lord? The only perspective that will ever truly matter? I know what I am because it is spelled out plainly in my Creator's words in Psalm 127:3-5. This is my credo. My hope. My motivation.

I am: 

BLESSED. 

REWARDED.

HAPPY.

UNASHAMED.

Easter is about Grace.

How was your Easter? Mine was delicious. Literally. Delicious. 

Ham, sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts, bread rolls, sweet carrots... it was heavenly. 

Jelly beans, Cadbury Creme Eggs, milk chocolate and marshmallows. It was DELICIOUS.

Peyton was thrilled about her first Easter egg hunt! Even though she only got to eat about 3 of the eggs out of her basket yesterday, she was still one toddler that was loving Easter :) She also got a couple adorable toys out of the deal and a whole lot of love from her parents, grandparents and uncle. 

These 2 beautiful faces are the best Easter presents any Momma could want!

But yesterday morning... before the ham and the candy... before the bunnies and the pastels... before the laughing and the memory-making... came a morning of RESURRECTION. 

We went to church Easter morning ready to celebrate the truest meaning of Easter. The LIFE given to us by the DEATH DEFEATING POWER of RESURRECTION. And what that truth represents is GRACE. Beautiful, unprecedented, undeserved GRACE.

My pastor preached a simple, short, but GUT WRENCHING message on Grace. We are so blessed to be in such a wonderful church where God's love is delivered UNDISGUISED.

My pastor showed this video about Grace. At first, I sat in my seat laughing along with it... and then a moment came. A moment that left the room full of people silent. Teary eyed. Solemn. All because of the remarkable revelation of God's grace that came in that same moment. 

Take 4 minutes out of your Easter Monday to watch this video. Let yourself revel in the beauty of GRACE today. Let yourself bask in the glory of RESURRECTED life... HOPE, LOVE and a SECOND CHANCE.

The Best Birthday EVER!

Thursday was my birthday. I turned 22. Wow. Can I just say that I truly feel solidly into my twenties now? It feels like a big birthday even though in comparison to last year's 21, it's not really. But wow, I really do feel older this year.

I have to be honest, Birthdays are a big deal for me. They have been ever since I was a little girl. My family always made a HUGE deal out of birthdays... lots of presents, fun parties and a day dedicated completely to the birthday boy or girl.

One of the first "newlywed culture shock" moments for me came 22 days after our wedding day. It was my 19th birthday and I was beyond excited for what my first birthday as a married woman would bring. I woke up full of expectation... and was greeted with... NOTHING. I found out later that birthdays weren't quite the same big deal at Bryan's house growing up as they were at mine. His family celebrated them, of course, but not quite with the same "shabang" that I was used to. Later
that day, Bryan presented me with what he thought was a spectacular gift.. a beta fish. Yeah, you guessed it. I was less than excited... although I wouldn't have let him in on that... I remember that even though I understood that birthdays obviously just took different priorities in our minds, I still felt pretty disappointed.

Well, now here we are 3 years later and Bryan knows me just a little better ;) He knows that birthdays are special to me, and let me tell you... this year he went out of his way to make sure this one was VERY special :)

I woke up on Wednesday morning to the sounds of sizzling bacon and soft music. Moments after I had rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, my handsome husband walked through the door with a tray of sausage, egg and cheese on a toasted english muffin, some bacon and a tall glass of organic berry juice. The tray was even complete with a single red rose in a beautiful vase :) Exquisite!

Our family sat there enjoying our special breakfast in bed! (Peyton thought it was QUITE the event!)

After breakfast wrapped up, Bryan gave me a kiss and told me to shower and dress for the day. "Take all the time you'd like" he said, "I'll dress the kids." It's been a long time since I've taken my time in the shower like that :) I even rinsed and repeated.... ;)

We spent the morning together enjoying each others company. I had a pretty bad cold, so Bryan told me he was going to keep the whole day low key so that I could enjoy it even being sick. Once the kids were down for their noon-time nap, we pulled out our favorite board game (Cities & Knights of Catan!... love it! hahah) and enjoyed a quiet house, each others company and some very good conversation. During our game, Bryan served me a light lunch of shrimp cocktail... (You have no idea how amazing that is for me! I LOVE LOVE LOVE shrimp cocktail, but haven't been able to have it since I've been pregnant!!) I enjoyed it so much! Dark Chocolate was a perfect dessert... After our game, Peyton woke up and Bryan announced to me that I wasn't to do anything with her. It was my "day off" ;) ;) He slipped away upstairs for a few minutes and when he came back down, he told me to head up to the bathroom. I went up there, and when I opened the door I was met with candles EVERYWHERE! The bathroom had been covered in rose petals and a vase of roses stood on the counter. Soft music played and the tub held a full bath of sweet smelling bubbles :) My amazing husband served me a glass of bubbling pomegranate-apple cocktail, handed me the latest issues of my 2 favorite fashion magazines and then told me he was headed back downstairs to take care of the kids. Again, "Take all the time you'd like" was his gift to me! I sunk into that tub, sipped on my drink, poured over my magazines and enjoyed a solid hour of PURE BLISS!

After emerging from my sweet smelling heaven, my mom came by to pick up the girls.... Bryan surprised me by taking me out to my favorite restaurant for dinner.. just the two of us :) It was absolutely perfect and blissfully romantic. After dinner, we browsed a few shops and I picked up a great pair of boots, a beach bag for summer, and a new book. We picked up the kids and headed home to our clean house (courtesy of my husband during my bath!)

Once the kids were tucked in bed, Bryan gave me one last gift. My absolute favorite perfume... Paris Hilton.  (who by the way, makes the most INCREDIBLE perfumes. Every single one of her scents are absolutely beautiful. Think what you want about her as a person, but she makes some incredible perfume!!!)

As I lay in my husbands arms that night, I couldn't help but be blown away by how blessed and cherished I truly am. We've come a long way from the beta fish birthday, haven't we?! I love that Bryan went out of his way to make each moment of my birthday truly special. I am loved... and I can't remember a happier birthday.

The Born Housewife

My sweet Peyton never ceases to amaze me. She's a born housewife, through and through. I swear that today, at 19 months old, she's a better housewife than I am. To anyone who knows Peyton, it's no secret that she's impeccably clean. From about a year old, she's been obsessed with with wiping down any "dirty" surface. I've caught her taking a baby wipe to the kitchen floor--down on her hands and knees, literally scrubbing the heck out of it. Once when she was 13 months old she picked up a t-shirt, asked Bryan to pick her up, then pointed towards the window; when he got her there, she immediately started cleaning the window in circular motions. My sister Leigh and I love to laugh about the times when Peyton's cousin Norah would make a mess while eating and Peyton would quickly come to the rescue--diligently cleaning Norah's crumbs. Just the other day, in the living room, she pulled out a basket of Christmas ornaments (yes, I need to get those to the basement...) and played with them. I got busy doing something in the kitchen and by the time Peyton came into the kitchen, I figured I should go clean up the ornaments seeing as I was sure she'd pulled them all out. I walked into the living room to see the ornaments placed NEATLY back in the basket... organized more precisely than I ever would have!

 

sorry about that glowing eye... took this on my phone...

. 

Well, the story behind the above picture is no exception to my daughters obsession with cleanliness.  The other day, Bryan and I were sitting on the couch. I was nursing Britany and Bryan was watching the game. Bryan had cleaned out the basement earlier that day, and had spilled some styrofoam on the carpet. I casually mentioned that he should clean it up. Peyton was playing in the other room, and we couldn't see her from where we were sitting. I heard her little feet padding across the floor.... she walked into the living room to show us something, and immediately noticed the styrofoam. She pointed at it and declared "UH OH!", obviously distressed by the mess. Then as quickly as she came, she left. Well, next thing I knew, I heard the drawer open where I keep the hand held vacuum cleaner. I hear the cord being unraveled.... then I see Peyton drop down to her knees beside me with the vacuum cleaner in hand! She started attempting to vacuum it up! (Now, no, my daughter does NOT know how to plug in appliances, so the vacuum was not on...) Well, my dear husband saw this as an opportunity to get out of cleaning up his mess... so he plugged it in for her. And Peyton went on to clean up the whole mess.. not leaving one speck remaining!!!!

And then of course, it's no secret that she loves to cook:

And her mothering instincts are already quite present:

 

All in all, lets just say, God knew what He was doing when He gave me Peyton for a firstborn! Couldn't ask for a better Mommy's Helper!

Britany Zoe Flores

Well, I know it's been a while, but lets just say... I have a good excuse!

Britany Zoe Flores 

arrived on December 7, 2010 at 8:01 am!

6 pounds, 7 ounces & 19 1/2 inches long!

Britany's name means "Defender of Life". Her life story is already a breathtaking one... and she's just 3 1/2 weeks old. 

We conceived Britany at a time when we weren't planning on having a second child. She wasn't part of our plan, but she sure was a part of God's. Her conception opened our eyes to the reality that we can't control life. That power belongs to God, and God alone. And in His hands alone does it belong. 

At just 10 weeks of pregnancy, we flew across the ocean to Cape Town, South Africa to embark on the most incredible life changing experience we have ever shared as a family. At 25 weeks, we flew back to the U.S. due to circumstances beyond our control. At 31 weeks of pregnancy, I was admitted to the hospital with pre-term labor. I was faced with the reality that my baby might be born at a dangerously small size, and perhaps might not survive. I was put on bed rest for 3 weeks, a time during which I realized that every little decision I would make could effect my daughter for life. At 36 weeks, I began to develop symptoms of the dangerous disease Cholestasis (which I had during my pregnancy with Peyton... read about it HERE The more doctors research this disease, they are finding that you can have a 100% healthy baby one day, and a dead baby the next. This disease is frightening, and unfortunately awareness about it is poor at best.) At 36 1/2 weeks, I cried out to God. I pleaded with Him for the life of my baby--just as I did when I contracted the disease with Peyton--I asked Him that if I was truly developing Cholestasis if He would cause me to go into labor right away to save the life of my baby. No sooner had I said Amen, than the contractions began. Once in the hospital the doctor tested my blood levels and sure enough, I had Cholestasis. Even though I was already in labor, they broke my water to expedite the process. 3 1/2 hours later, Britany was in my arms... and her father and I were praising God for saving her life. 

Britany Zoe is now 3 1/2 weeks old and she is the light of our lives. Each time I look at her healthy, perfect form, I am reminded of a God who knit her together intricately inside my body. I praise that God for His faithfulness, His mercy and His favor toward us. 

 

Big sister Peyton is absolutely in love!!! I praise God for how He's been faithful even to her in this time. I worried (naturally) that Peyton would still feel secure in her place in our family... and in all honesty, she couldn't be a more wonderful big sister. She wakes up each morning, and as soon as she sees her new sister, she shrieks "Hi you! Hiiii!!" She calls Britany, "Momma" (haha! not sure why?!) and is always concerned about her. I've even caught her sneaking Britany some yogurt and attempting to feed her out of her doll's baby bottle! She has transitioned well to becoming a more and more independent big sister. I couldn't be a more proud or blessed mother. 

No, I haven't had a good nights sleep in weeks. No, I don't have time to do alot of the "me-things" I enjoy. Yes, I am crazy busy. Yes, I do want to pull my hair out some days. But Yes. Yes I am in love. Yes I am overwhelmed with pride and joy. Yes, I am exactly who I want to be. Yes, I am living the life I love. 

Blessed and Undeserving!

I have to say, I feel like one very blessed woman lately.

Tonight as I was putting Peyton to sleep, I looked out the window at our beautiful front yard, and all I could think about was how undeserving I am of all God has given me!

Bryan and I wanted more than anything to "go the distance" for God. We wanted to offer Him our lives and our sacrifice no matter the cost. We crossed the ocean for Him, and we'd do it again. But tonight, as I stood in my home, rocking my daughter to sleep in her cozy room, I began to weep. Because I realize that right now, in this season, God doesn't want me to cross the ocean. He just wants my heart. That's all He's ever really wanted. 

In South Africa, when the support wasn't coming in like we thought it would, we questioned God. We wondered if this was a test of our faith or our stamina. We asked God what He wanted from us, and we expected to hear Him answer in a thunderous clap with an obvious path... we searched for Him in the firestorm--just like Elijah did. But when we were down on our knees pleading with Him for an answer--it came--in a still, small voice. (We can be so thick headed!! We know the character of God, yet we look for Him to act outside of it on a daily basis.) His still small voice whispered one phrase: "A family to glorify Me."

Bryan and I wept when we realized that the deepest desire of our hearts was also what God was asking of us. The desire to raise a godly family that will stand out in a generation of broken homes. God whispered parenthood into our hearts... and now He has made it possible for us to obey Him.

I cried again tonight when I looked around our home and I saw all the things that God has brought to us to make this vision possible. People have given us so much since we've been back, and I see it as God blessing this path that He has sent us on. He is so faithful and true... and He is using His children to pass on His blessings.

And we are so undeserving! I am amazed and astonished at the goodness of God and His provision for us. But beyond that, I am so blessed to be walking forward in a calling that I not only have been commissioned to, but also one that I desire and enjoy with every fiber of my being.

I am so blessed!!!!!!!!!!

Much Love,

Claire

P.S. I was also blessed tonight to read a beautiful post on motherhood by my sweet friend Keri. If you have a few minutes, head over to her blog to read this post. It will re-focus your heart on parenthood, for sure!

A Job!

We are so thankful this week, because Bryan has a job!!! Now, you all know by now that the ultimate goal is for Bryan to get a job in the police force, but that's a long process so he needed something for the interim. He was hired a construction company that is currently building a military base in Rutland. The downside is that Rutland is 2 hours south of us, so it's definitely a commute... but we're so thankful that he has a job! And this position has already opened up more opportunity for him--he'll be working in Massachusetts over the weekend on a separate project that will pay great.

I'm so thankful for my husband and his willingness to do anything to support our family. I know he doesn't enjoy getting up at 4 am for work... and only getting home at 8pm... and I know he doesn't love commuting 4 hours a day... but he does it with such a willing heart! I am so blessed to have such a strong, loving husband who is such a hard worker.

It's been so great to see how his employer has already recognized him for his hard work! I'm so proud of him. I definitely miss him during the days, but I know this is just a season.

Thanks for all your prayers for him to find a job!!

Big Days!

Life has been CRAZY this past week. We're still living with Leigh & Andy and we're here for another 8 days. My heart is so torn between treasuring our last few days here in South Africa, and looking forward to all that is ahead of us in Vermont. Transition is always a crazy place to be.

My sweet niece's first birthday party is on Saturday!!! She LOVES everything music, so we're of course having a little rock and roll party for her :) I'm so glad that we'll be able to celebrate her big day before we head back to the States. She is Peyton's best friend, by far, so I'm glad that Peyton can be at her party (even if they won't remember it!!)

I'm so thankful for little Miss Norah's life. She is such a ray of sunshine and a complete sweet heart. She loves her Aunt Claire :) she's stolen my heart with her sweet open mouthed kisses and her chubby little embraces! I love it when she reaches for me and giggles shyly when I say her name. And the thing I love MOST about her is her obvious affection for Peyton. They truly adore each other! I pray that they will be able to be close friends despite the physical distance between them.

(My sister, Me & our friend Marysol) 

 

On another note... Remember my friends Marysol and DeWet? I mentioned them a couple days ago, how they are adopting a son at the same time as expecting their biological daughter to be born! Well... Yesterday was THE BIG DAY!!! They were able to meet their son for the first time (he's not home yet, but they were able to hold him and love him for the first time!) His name is Knox DeTian and he's a beautiful little man :) Well... just after spending an hour with their son, his sister decided it was time for them to meet her as well! Marysol went into labor just after meeting little Knox!! They welcomed their daughter early this morning... Evangeline Ahnay :) I just think this is such a perfect part of their beautiful story!!! The Blomerus' are some of the friends we've met here in South Africa who Bryan and I will miss a lot when we head back!!! They are the kind of people you can't meet without them having an impact on your life. Their faith and motivation in life are inspiring and infectious!

I hope you're all doing well! I've said it a million times, but it needs to be said again... I hope to keep up with all of your blogs a little better once life settles down for us! Thank you all for being a part of this journey and for sending your prayers and love along the way. You are SO appreciated!

A Not So New Calling

I've been going to an incredible Mom's Group here in South Africa. I absolutely love it, and to be honest, it's been "church" to me in so many ways since coming here. The teacher, Sara is an older woman whose SIX!! kids are adults now. She basically just pours into us for a couple hours every other week and opens it up for some great discussion. The group is for mom's of all ages, and I've learned so much from being in the same group with moms of teenagers and babies alike! 

I went to my last group today, and the leader asked me to share a little about what my husband and I have been doing here in South Africa, and also about what we plan to do when we return to the States. I was honestly surprised by the fluidness of my own words as I spoke them. As I shared with that group of moms what I feel God has for us back "home", I felt moved in my heart! I truly do believe that God is opening up a path for us that is even more a fulfillment of my calling than being here was/is. I shared with the women how Bryan and I truly believe that God desires us to have a big family. I shared how Bryan has always been grieved by the state of fathers in general in our world today, and how he sees the best way to reverse that problem is to be a godly father and also to raise a generation of godly parents. I shared my heart, and then each woman in the group individually prayed over me! It was so encouraging, and really showed me that this indeed is from God. 

After we prayed, Sara (the teacher) looked at me and said, "You know, Claire, I have often had seasons in my life that came and went so quickly that I thought they were a waste. Only now as I look back do I see that nothing is wasted. When you think of a spice cupboard, there are so many spices you might think some of them aren't useful--but in the end they all get used. What you have done here, and the lives you have touched are not wasted." I can't even tell you how life-giving that was to me!!!

We have had so many people encourage us through this process.. THANK YOU! We are so blessed.

Good News!!

We got the place we wanted!!! I am so happy to finally know where we'll be living in just 16 days! My Mom emailed me tonight to let me know the landlord contacted them again to let them know that he has reviewed all our references and we're the ones for his townhouse :) We are so blessed, especially since this townhouse is being rented at a great price. We still have a long way to go to make it "home", but we at least have a start :)

This is a picture of the front of the house that my Mom took when she went and toured it a couple weeks ago. We would have half of the house... it's a townhouse with two separate apartments. I tried to upload a few more pictures... but internet here in Africa isn't exactly lightning speed ;)  I'll have to post more pictures when we move in!!

Thanks so much for all your prayers... they worked! We got the place!!! Now just keep praying like that for our flight, the transition and for Bryan's job!

Much LOVE!

Cousins

Aren't these girls just too sweet together? 

Finding My Place

Thank you all for your comments on my last post! I think I might have mentioned before that we have “pay as you go” internet so it’s been hard for me to feel connected to every one! Each of your comments were so encouraging and thoughtful. Thanks!

This week was our first real week of ministry. To be honest, it was hard. Our work here is with kids mainly, and it’s very hard to love on a bunch of kids when your arms/eyes are full with keeping up with a very active one year old of your own! I honestly came away from a couple of the “events” feeling very frustrated. It was very hard for me to feel useful when every 5 minutes I was pulling away to chase Peyton, change a diaper, rock her to sleep or feed her a snack. Also, school is out for the kids here right now (will be out for the whole duration of the World Cup) so most of the activities that Africa Jam is holding for them are during the morning.. during Peyton’s morning nap, so it’s very hard for me to try to juggle putting her to sleep and participating in the activities (and if Peyton misses that morning nap, I can basically kiss my entire day goodbye!) I had a couple nights this week where I just came home and cried with frustration that I can’t be the missionary I want to be. A few years ago I would have rushed to hug and hold each of those African kids, loving them and talking to them…. But I just can’t now. And it’s hard. I vented to Bryan one night and just told him that I don’t know why I’m here if I can’t be useful! But he just gently reminded me that I need to look at this move to South Africa as I would look at a move for his job… my main priority of course needs to continue to be my own children, and if I have to stay home a lot of the time, I don’t need to feel as though I’m not being useful… because I AM being useful… in the ministry that God has DIRECTLY given me through the conception of both my children. The director of Africa Jam said the same thing to me yesterday… I was feeling bad because my sister and I both had to duck out of an event at a Children’s Home to put our babies to sleep, and we felt like we weren’t being helpful… but the director pointed out that we can’t interrupt our child’s lives to do ministry. I feel like my mindset was corrected in a very freeing way this week.

I’ve decided to commit myself very lightly to ministry, because that is the best thing for my family. Not only will that allow me to be the best mother to Peyton (and to this unborn child who needs me to take some time to rest!) but I can also enable Bryan to work to the best of his ability by giving him a home environment conducive to handling his outside work load.

I hope you understand what I mean… Jess, you commented on my last post talking about the wife of your youth leader who ministered to you just by her example of being a good stay at home wife/mom. That was such an encouraging comment for me to read! I’ve been feeling like now that we’re here, I have to do it all… and be Super Mom AND the best missionary I can be… but I have to realize that God has given me my children and it’s my responsibility to care for them with my whole heart… and I do not want to EVER, EVER, EVER let my own children fall by the wayside while I throw all my efforts into other children.

Bryan and I are praying and seeking God’s will to what my ministry should be. I still want to move forward with the ministry for the young mom’s, and the great thing about that is that I could even host that in my own home! I am also praying about being a “weekend parent” to 2 young girls (ages 15 and 11). They would come on the weekends from the Home they live in (a home for children who have been removed from their parents) and this would be a safe place for them to spend weekends. I’m not sure, to be honest if that would be taking on too much, so I’m just praying about it right now.

I’m also excited to hear that there is a Missionary Mom’s Group in our town! It takes place on Thursdays from  10-12! The thing I’d missed most about being at Bethany was the amazing Mom’s Group we had and the support I felt when I was there. So to hear that there is a Mom’s Group for missionary mom’s here, is such good news. I know that I will find other mom’s there who have been through all this before and can offer wisdom and advice.

It’s a daily journey to adjust to life here, but God is so good.

Last night we had a little bit of a scare… Bryan and I went to bed around 10:00 and about 10 minutes after we laid down, we heard a very loud bang downstairs. Moments later, our home security system alarm went off. (like ADT, but called Chubb… many of the homes here have them installed because of the crime rate here) Bryan whispered to me to get the baby and get behind the bed… He came as well, and we huddled there just waiting… the alarm was so loud and my heart was pounding out of my chest… all I could do was pray! I honestly thought someone was going to come storming through that door, and I prepared myself for the worst! I had no idea what had caused the bang or what had caused the alarm to go off… moments later we got a phone call from the security office to ask if we were alright, we told them we were scared to leave our bedroom and they said they would send over the armed response. We didn’t hear any more noise in the house, but were still frightened to go downstairs. In about 3 minutes (which seemed like AN ETERNITY!) three armed guards came to our house… They came in and searched the house (and Bryan went down to meet them) well, embarrassingly enough, something had fallen in our living room and the motion of it falling had set off the alarm!!!! The guards laughed with us, but we were all relieved I think to find that it wasn’t a real intruder!!!! It took a while for us all to calm down… but I have to say, even though it was a false alarm, I went to bed thanking God for His protection and for men like those guards who make it their job to protect people from harm.

Right now Bryan and Andy are at a township working with kids who are off from school this week. Leigh and I are both at our own homes with the babies this morning after a busy morning yesterday at the Children’s Home. I better go and get lunch started for Peyton.

Hope you’re all doing well! I haven’t been able to read much of your blogs because of our internet situation, but if I make to an internet café at all this week, I’ll be sure to get updated!

Much Love!

Peace that Passes

Hey Everyone!
Still no word on our visas... but to be honest... I feel totally at peace! I have no idea why, other than that JESUS IS AMAZING and HE keeps us grounded no matter what! How awesome is it, that our hearts and minds are GUARDED by a peace that passes understanding? As joint-heirs with Christ we are beyond blessed.
I'm simply enjoying my family and our time together. I'm cherishing the moments of having Peyton as an only child (for the next 7 months!) and I'm basking in the presence of the Lord because that is where I find my peace.
I know that in 12 days, we will have an answer. We will either be on that plane, or we won't. But God is in control and wherever we are, we will be trusting Him for our lives.
For now I'm enjoying the little things. Here are a few of those "little things" for you to enjoy as well ;)

The growing miracle of life inside my womb. (and wow, I'm really showing quicker this time around!) 

Enjoying popsicles on a hot summer day with my darling daughter :P

My handsome, hardworking man who treats me like a princess no matter what. (quick explaination... the only reason there are goats behind him--lol--is because we were at a petting zoo that day!)

Seeing this beautiful smile each morning, and hearing her squeal in delight when I come in her room to wake her up... and especially when she reaches those darling arms up to me... begging me to smother her in a warm embrace!

There are too many blessings in my life for me to count. And the peace that passes understanding has gifted me with a smile on my face even when faced with uncertainties.

A Family of Four

My heart is so full as I sit down to write this. Many of you already know what I'm going to say if you're friends with me on Facebook :) We found out on April 29th, that we are going to have another baby!

We were shocked, to be honest. We truly weren't expecting to have another child so soon. When we saw the positive test, a million thoughts went running through both our minds. Of course there was the initial "YAY!!! WE'RE PREGNANT!" because a child is always a joyful event (to say the least!). But we also wondered what this would mean for our plans to go to South Africa on May 30th.

After a lot of prayer, discussion and a few conversations with people we trust, we made the decision to continue towards South Africa. We plan on having this baby there without the help of insurance. It is a huge step of faith, but we believe that God will not only provide, but He will cause everything to fall into place, preparing the way before us.

Now we are just waiting on visas. Our visa applications are lost somewhere in the mail. We are praying the package will find its way back to us in time to send back out to the consulate for approval. Please keep us in your prayers as we are only a couple weeks away from the day when our flight will leave!

God is in control, and He will have His way.

As for this pregnancy, I am thrilled. I already love this baby intensely and am already counting the days when I will look my new child in the face! Tomorrow we have our first ultrasound, so we will have our first glimpse of this little miracle inside of me :)

I am 7 weeks along... due on December 30th.

Please pray for us that everything will come together in these next 2 weeks.

Thankful Thursday

This Thursday, I'm thankful for sunshine.

This Thursday, I'm thankful for palm trees.

This Thursday I'm thankful for my brand new tan thanks to the Arizona sun.

This Thursday I'm thankful for an apartment complex that's within our budget...

....that also has a pool!

This Thursday, I'm thankful for a wonderful, handsome, loving husband who is an incredible out-of-this-world father to a very special little girl.

What more could an eleven month old young lady want? 

A lazy sunny day by the sparkling clear pool...

A cute little bathing suit,

A world full of wonder and excitement and fun pool toys!

Water that tickles when you wiggle your toes in it...

A carefree thought to jump right in and make a big splash!

.....And a daddy that will always keep you safe....

....And will always be there to catch you...

No matter what.

Living in the Desert!

I'm almost embarrassed to write this update, because I haven't blogged in sooo long! We had some complications getting internet set up in our house though, but we finally have it fixed :)

Wow! Where to begin? We've been here for about a week and a half now, and I have to admit, I love it. It's really beautiful here... a very different beauty than I've ever really known, but beautiful all the same. The mountains (and cactuses!) are almost mean looking, but they're contrasted by these beautiful palm trees and warm sun. It's the "rainy season" right now, so there's quite a bit of greenery which alot of people have told me will disappear in summer. Weird to think of greenery DISAPPEARING in summer!! I'm such a northerner through and through! And I have to say, the way we northerners take pride in being tough in the cold and snow... is the same way these south-westerners take pride in toughing out the heat! They're really scaring me with tales of not being able to leave your house in April because it's so hot!

We've been for a couple hikes already and the "wildnerness" here is alot of fun. There are so many cool trails and mountains, and you can stumble on turquoise mines all over the place! So cool!  (Sorry about Bryan's weird pose in this picture, lol, not sure what he's doing!!!)

Peyton LOVES riding in her back pack carrier. Honestly, she thinks she rules the world when she's up there! She smiles and looks all around at everything with this snub little look on her face! Haha it's great. She'll skip naptime and even feedings when she's in there because she has so much fun!

As much as we love hiking around Arizona, there's a lot of work to be done as well. As I explained earlier, we moved into Bryan's late great-grandmother's house and we are helping to fix up the house and clean it out. It's been a lot of fun to think about how to landscape her backyard, and what to do to improve the house. Bryan also is now working to sell the antiques and other items in the estate. He loves the work, and we are able to more than live off of what he's getting paid, which is a huge blessing.

If all continues to go well, we will be in South Africa in June! We are praying that the Lord would continue to prepare the way for us.

We found a church home here in Arizona! Broadway Christian Church. We really love it and think we'll fit in well there. We actually met a guy in Walmart last week and he stopped to see Peyton, and we ended up talking, and he mentioned that BCC is his church home, so we decided to check it out! Is that the Lord, or what??? We love the energy at their contemporary services and the preching is rock solid and right on. We're excited to have found a chuch home so quickly... now we just need to plug in and make some new friends :)

I'm staying really positive, but it is hard to be in a place where you really don't have any friends. I miss the community of close friends and the luxury of calling up a girlfriend to do lunch, go shopping or catch a movie. I'm praying God will bring me a sweet friend soon.

Well, I have a million and one things to get done today... I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive :) But before I go, Thanks so much to Steph for these thoughtful awards!

Goodbye 2009 and Helloooo 2010!

I kept meaning to write a reflective post on 2009, but time slipped away from me. Ironic, eh? But even though it's belated, I still feel as though I owe 2009 a good, well thought out memorial. It's been a year to remember, that's for sure. I can't move on with my life without thanking 2009 for everything it brought my way.

Of course, there is really only ONE main, true highlight of 2009. The birth of my darling baby girl, Peyton Spring.

Wow, can you believe that was me? I look at the pictures of my pregnancy and I can't believe it! But in all reality, I LOVED being pregnant. Absolutely loved it. I loved the knowledge that I was carrying life inside of me. I loved reaching down and touching my belly, feeling the reactive little kicks that responded to my touch. I loved feeling her roll over inside of me. I loved feeling her warmth and noting her personality. I loved knowing her every move. But oh, how I dreamt of having out of my belly and in my arms!!! And when the day came? It was the best day of my life. I don't think I ever blogged about her birth story. What a more appropriate time than the present???

If you've been reading my blog for more than seven months, then you'll know that I had a condition called Intraheptic Cholestasis while I was pregnant. My liver had an issue producing bile. The bile backed up in my liver causing me to itch ALL OVER all the time. It was hellish at best. Because of the seriousness of the condition, they had to induce my labor no later than 37 weeks, or there would've been a risk of a stillbirth. I remember crying out to God in those last months, pleading with him to spare my baby. I couldn't believe that because of this rare condition (less than 1% of all women in North America have it) I could lose my baby. But I stood fast to the hope that I would see her face and hear her cry. On May 29th, 2009... that hope was realized.

For weeks before then I had contractions here and there. I kept thinking I was going into labor at the oddest times. Of course, I didn't want to because it was too early... but Peyton was sure ready to meet the world! Now, to any of you who know anything about delivering babies, you'll understand the terms I'm about to use. To those of you who don't, that's okay. I knew nothing about them either until two pink lines on a pregnancy test told me I'd better study up. A month before Peyton's birth I was 1cm dilated. 2 weeks before I was 3cm and 50% effaced. Peyton was on her way. I arrived to the hospital the morning of my induction at 4 cm dilated (technically considered active labor) and 90% effaced. Peyton would have come on her own at any moment. But because of the cholestasis, we couldn't wait for her to. At 8:00am, my doctor broke my water, and the surreal experience began.The contractions began around 8:30 and began gradually. I remember just laying there, talking to my Mom and Bryan and trying to adjust to the fact that the process had begun... In a matter of hours (I didn't know how many) Peyton would be in my arms. I had planned a head of time to have an epidural. I've never been one of those crazy women who are all into the "thrill of feeling it all". Sick. No thank you. Around 10:00 the guy came to give me my epidural. First of all, he was a jerk. Stuck me in the middle of a contraction and told me to sit still. Yeah. Listen here, buddy. You try to sit still while you're in labor. Oh wait, you can't because you're a dude and you have no freaking idea what it feels like.... I'm slightly bitter towards him to this day. Can you tell? Well, anyway. He finally sticks me and tells me to lay down. The contractions eased up. About an hour and a half later the nurse comes in to check my progress. She goes to check my cervix and OUCH! It hurt. She looks at me and goes, "Honey you shouldn't be feeling anything. You should be completely numb." Guess what? I'm not. The epidural didn't work. There went my plan for a pain-free labor! They tried giving me more but my body rejected it. I was stuck with a natural childbirth! In retrospect, I'm glad it happened that way... but at the time I was a bit scared, but I had a crazy sense of calm too. Half an hour later, (don't laugh, please!!) I told the lady I needed to go to the bathroom and, well you know, go number 2. (lol). The nurse said to me, "Honey, that's not a bowel movement, that's your baby coming!" They checked me and sure enough I was ready.

The doctor came in, and it was time! I began pushing and Peyton prepared to make her entrance into this world! It was the most invigorating experience of my entire life. It hurt. Oh yeah, it hurt. (But a word of wisdom to all of you out there who may give birth some time in your future... screaming is way releasing... the one time in your life you can scream your head off and no one can tell you to shut up. It's great.) I pushed for 44 minutes. The 44 most painful, remarkable, intense, beautiful minutes of my life. And then it was done. At 12:44 pm, I heard a cry. The cry of my baby girl. The child I had loved from a distance for 9 months was thrust into my arms, and let me tell you... it was love at first sight. All I could do was cry out, "My baby! My baby!" Bryan began to weep and we both laid our hands on her. As I held her in that moment, none of the pain mattered anymore. None of anything mattered anymore. Just me, my baby girl, my husband and the fact that we were now a family. I have never felt closer to God than I did in that moment. That moment when I saw life begin right before my eyes... and I was a part of it. A weak, feeble part of it. But a vital part.

Now, seven months later, I can't believe that I really get to be a mother to this beautiful baby. I still marvel at her life... how it began and who she is. She's a beautiful representation of the heart of God. His love, His creativity, His joy and His heart. Her smile can light up any room and her irrepressible personality is an invaluable asset to my life. I can't even imagine life without my Peyton Spring. How can it be that only 7 months ago, I'd never even met her? Her who has shaped me, molded me, and contributed to defining who I am?

2009, I am forever in your debt. You gave me the most priceless gift I have ever recieved. The gift of a new life. Not only the new life of my daughter, but my new life as well. 2009, within you, I grew up. I went from a little girl who was seeking her place in this world, to a woman... who knows where she belongs. At the feet of her King caring for a blueberry eyed little girl and a handsome, strong man who kneels there as well.

What will 2010 bring our way? Peyton's first birthday, our two year anniversary (just a month away!), a move overseas perhaps? I stand here reflecting, but also hoping. There is so much behind, but much ahead. After all, I am young. Life is still stretched out before me (Lord willing) and I pray that I will fulfill my purpose in it.

"You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. You belong with your love on your arm. You belong somewhere you feel free." -Tom Petty (I realize that quote may seem disconnected and perhaps out of place in this post, but more to come on it in future posts, I assure you!)

Here's to 2010 and the new beginnings it will hold. Here's to 2009 and the life it gave me. Here's to each year past, and each year ahead.

I pray that all of you have as many things (or more!) to thank God for in the past year. I count each of you among my blessings, and look forward to facing this new year with you all.

P.S.... here's to becoming a better blogger in 2010... my pregnant/new mom brain makes for some disjointed posts... I beg your forgiveness!