Goodbye 2009 and Helloooo 2010!

I kept meaning to write a reflective post on 2009, but time slipped away from me. Ironic, eh? But even though it's belated, I still feel as though I owe 2009 a good, well thought out memorial. It's been a year to remember, that's for sure. I can't move on with my life without thanking 2009 for everything it brought my way.

Of course, there is really only ONE main, true highlight of 2009. The birth of my darling baby girl, Peyton Spring.

Wow, can you believe that was me? I look at the pictures of my pregnancy and I can't believe it! But in all reality, I LOVED being pregnant. Absolutely loved it. I loved the knowledge that I was carrying life inside of me. I loved reaching down and touching my belly, feeling the reactive little kicks that responded to my touch. I loved feeling her roll over inside of me. I loved feeling her warmth and noting her personality. I loved knowing her every move. But oh, how I dreamt of having out of my belly and in my arms!!! And when the day came? It was the best day of my life. I don't think I ever blogged about her birth story. What a more appropriate time than the present???

If you've been reading my blog for more than seven months, then you'll know that I had a condition called Intraheptic Cholestasis while I was pregnant. My liver had an issue producing bile. The bile backed up in my liver causing me to itch ALL OVER all the time. It was hellish at best. Because of the seriousness of the condition, they had to induce my labor no later than 37 weeks, or there would've been a risk of a stillbirth. I remember crying out to God in those last months, pleading with him to spare my baby. I couldn't believe that because of this rare condition (less than 1% of all women in North America have it) I could lose my baby. But I stood fast to the hope that I would see her face and hear her cry. On May 29th, 2009... that hope was realized.

For weeks before then I had contractions here and there. I kept thinking I was going into labor at the oddest times. Of course, I didn't want to because it was too early... but Peyton was sure ready to meet the world! Now, to any of you who know anything about delivering babies, you'll understand the terms I'm about to use. To those of you who don't, that's okay. I knew nothing about them either until two pink lines on a pregnancy test told me I'd better study up. A month before Peyton's birth I was 1cm dilated. 2 weeks before I was 3cm and 50% effaced. Peyton was on her way. I arrived to the hospital the morning of my induction at 4 cm dilated (technically considered active labor) and 90% effaced. Peyton would have come on her own at any moment. But because of the cholestasis, we couldn't wait for her to. At 8:00am, my doctor broke my water, and the surreal experience began.The contractions began around 8:30 and began gradually. I remember just laying there, talking to my Mom and Bryan and trying to adjust to the fact that the process had begun... In a matter of hours (I didn't know how many) Peyton would be in my arms. I had planned a head of time to have an epidural. I've never been one of those crazy women who are all into the "thrill of feeling it all". Sick. No thank you. Around 10:00 the guy came to give me my epidural. First of all, he was a jerk. Stuck me in the middle of a contraction and told me to sit still. Yeah. Listen here, buddy. You try to sit still while you're in labor. Oh wait, you can't because you're a dude and you have no freaking idea what it feels like.... I'm slightly bitter towards him to this day. Can you tell? Well, anyway. He finally sticks me and tells me to lay down. The contractions eased up. About an hour and a half later the nurse comes in to check my progress. She goes to check my cervix and OUCH! It hurt. She looks at me and goes, "Honey you shouldn't be feeling anything. You should be completely numb." Guess what? I'm not. The epidural didn't work. There went my plan for a pain-free labor! They tried giving me more but my body rejected it. I was stuck with a natural childbirth! In retrospect, I'm glad it happened that way... but at the time I was a bit scared, but I had a crazy sense of calm too. Half an hour later, (don't laugh, please!!) I told the lady I needed to go to the bathroom and, well you know, go number 2. (lol). The nurse said to me, "Honey, that's not a bowel movement, that's your baby coming!" They checked me and sure enough I was ready.

The doctor came in, and it was time! I began pushing and Peyton prepared to make her entrance into this world! It was the most invigorating experience of my entire life. It hurt. Oh yeah, it hurt. (But a word of wisdom to all of you out there who may give birth some time in your future... screaming is way releasing... the one time in your life you can scream your head off and no one can tell you to shut up. It's great.) I pushed for 44 minutes. The 44 most painful, remarkable, intense, beautiful minutes of my life. And then it was done. At 12:44 pm, I heard a cry. The cry of my baby girl. The child I had loved from a distance for 9 months was thrust into my arms, and let me tell you... it was love at first sight. All I could do was cry out, "My baby! My baby!" Bryan began to weep and we both laid our hands on her. As I held her in that moment, none of the pain mattered anymore. None of anything mattered anymore. Just me, my baby girl, my husband and the fact that we were now a family. I have never felt closer to God than I did in that moment. That moment when I saw life begin right before my eyes... and I was a part of it. A weak, feeble part of it. But a vital part.

Now, seven months later, I can't believe that I really get to be a mother to this beautiful baby. I still marvel at her life... how it began and who she is. She's a beautiful representation of the heart of God. His love, His creativity, His joy and His heart. Her smile can light up any room and her irrepressible personality is an invaluable asset to my life. I can't even imagine life without my Peyton Spring. How can it be that only 7 months ago, I'd never even met her? Her who has shaped me, molded me, and contributed to defining who I am?

2009, I am forever in your debt. You gave me the most priceless gift I have ever recieved. The gift of a new life. Not only the new life of my daughter, but my new life as well. 2009, within you, I grew up. I went from a little girl who was seeking her place in this world, to a woman... who knows where she belongs. At the feet of her King caring for a blueberry eyed little girl and a handsome, strong man who kneels there as well.

What will 2010 bring our way? Peyton's first birthday, our two year anniversary (just a month away!), a move overseas perhaps? I stand here reflecting, but also hoping. There is so much behind, but much ahead. After all, I am young. Life is still stretched out before me (Lord willing) and I pray that I will fulfill my purpose in it.

"You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. You belong with your love on your arm. You belong somewhere you feel free." -Tom Petty (I realize that quote may seem disconnected and perhaps out of place in this post, but more to come on it in future posts, I assure you!)

Here's to 2010 and the new beginnings it will hold. Here's to 2009 and the life it gave me. Here's to each year past, and each year ahead.

I pray that all of you have as many things (or more!) to thank God for in the past year. I count each of you among my blessings, and look forward to facing this new year with you all.

P.S.... here's to becoming a better blogger in 2010... my pregnant/new mom brain makes for some disjointed posts... I beg your forgiveness!