Making Today a Memory.

I stumbled on my old collection of home videos earlier this week. As I relived days gone by through the shaky lens of my phone camera, memories came flooding back. Funny how, even though my eldest is only four and a half, there are already days of parenting that are so far behind me I'll never go back to them. As I laughed at my oldest daughter at 20 months, making funny faces into the camera... and as I was impressed by my second daughter reciting flashcards at 15 months, I longed to go back. But I can't. That's life after all. You live each moment, and then it's gone. Just like that.

I'm a busy mom. I have piles of laundry and dishes, lists of appointments and reminders. There are toys to pick up, toilets to clean and hours worth of to do's. But what if today I let the piles grow? What if, for today, I left toys on the floor? What if we made peanut butter and jelly for dinner, ripped up the to do list and turned up our noses at the mess? What if instead we had a dance party in the living room--dressed in our twirliest dresses? What if instead we rolled around in the fresh snow until our noses turn red and we race inside for hot chocolate? What if instead of cleaning up my sons legos I build the biggest tower ever with him? What if instead of looking back on moments gone, I lived in moments now?

What if I made today with my kids, the best memory of them all?

“Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; 

and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. 

Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will 

be worth remembering”

― Ida Scott Taylor

Taming Technology

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the power that technology has over our society. I suppose this thought process began with the Harper’s Bazaar article written by Ashton Kutcher that I linked up to a couple months ago. And since then, I guess that my mind has been more clicked into this phenomenon.

Last Friday night, Bryan and I were driving home and I found myself looking into the open windows of houses along our street (creepy, right?) as we passed house after house, I noticed a common theme. In almost every single home, there was a person or persons glued to some from of electronic device. Be it smart phone, television or computer. Remember, it was a Friday night. There were no parties that I could see. No gatherings of friends, neighbors and family. No kids having slumber parties and pillow fights. Just a whole lot of screens. Now it could be that I just happen to live on a boring street, but in all honesty, I think society has been overtaken by our own advances. 

Have you seen this commercial for the Windows Phone?

How sad but true is that?

Now I have to admit, I can't get too high and mighty in pointing my finger. I have a smart phone... and don't get me wrong, I love it. But how do we maintain our connection with real life in a world of virtual realities? How do we shut off the social networking sites and do some honest-to-goodness SOCIAL NETWORKING... as in... going out for coffee or popping into a friends house to chat? Honestly, if you haven't read the article by Ashton Kutcher that I linked to, I really would encourage you to head over there and give it a good read. Because the words that are on the tip of my tongue have already been said by him.

I realize that going backwards simply isn't going to happen. Technology has become an integral part of everyone's every day, and that's just the way it is. BUT... can we make an effort to stay connected while disconnecting periodically? Does that make sense? I guess what I'm saying is, lets just make an effort not to be surfing the web on our smart phone while in the checkout line at the grocery store. Lets get back to basic human kindness... to small talk about the weather and good old eye contact.

Are you with me?

A Not So New Calling

I've been going to an incredible Mom's Group here in South Africa. I absolutely love it, and to be honest, it's been "church" to me in so many ways since coming here. The teacher, Sara is an older woman whose SIX!! kids are adults now. She basically just pours into us for a couple hours every other week and opens it up for some great discussion. The group is for mom's of all ages, and I've learned so much from being in the same group with moms of teenagers and babies alike! 

I went to my last group today, and the leader asked me to share a little about what my husband and I have been doing here in South Africa, and also about what we plan to do when we return to the States. I was honestly surprised by the fluidness of my own words as I spoke them. As I shared with that group of moms what I feel God has for us back "home", I felt moved in my heart! I truly do believe that God is opening up a path for us that is even more a fulfillment of my calling than being here was/is. I shared with the women how Bryan and I truly believe that God desires us to have a big family. I shared how Bryan has always been grieved by the state of fathers in general in our world today, and how he sees the best way to reverse that problem is to be a godly father and also to raise a generation of godly parents. I shared my heart, and then each woman in the group individually prayed over me! It was so encouraging, and really showed me that this indeed is from God. 

After we prayed, Sara (the teacher) looked at me and said, "You know, Claire, I have often had seasons in my life that came and went so quickly that I thought they were a waste. Only now as I look back do I see that nothing is wasted. When you think of a spice cupboard, there are so many spices you might think some of them aren't useful--but in the end they all get used. What you have done here, and the lives you have touched are not wasted." I can't even tell you how life-giving that was to me!!!

We have had so many people encourage us through this process.. THANK YOU! We are so blessed.

I am Useful.

Here's a picture of our family in front of the Africa Jam Youth Center in Khayelitsha. So amazing to realize this vision. Sometimes I still look out my window and am struck with the incredible reality that we're really here.

Bryan spent the day with a young man named Lee yesterday. He is a lively, polite young man with a contagious energy. He spent the day teaching Bryan a worship song in Xhosa. They sang it together for us and it was such a beautiful picture of what God is doing in our lives here. To see Bryan and this young guy sitting next to each other, side by side, worshiping God in Lee's native language. It was beautiful. As we sat down to a meal that night, and I was able to bless Lee with a home cooked meal, I realized that this is what it's all about. Loving on a young man and sharing Jesus with him. Being Christ in the practical, little, almost unnoticeable ways. We can be used powerfully, if we open our eyes and look for the opportunities. I am humbled that God is using us here... even in small ways.

Learning (hard!) Lessons

This past week has been hard. But hard in a good way… if you know what I mean.

I’ve been struggling with homesickness quite a lot lately. And unfortunately, it has affected my entire outlook on life here.

My sister made a comment to me last week that really hit home. She mentioned that she feels as though I’m constantly pining for back home… and it makes her feel like I’m not happy to be here. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I have had a complaining spirit for the last couple of weeks since I’ve been here. I have been missing home, and I’ve also been focusing on the negatives of life here… instead of the blessing we’ve experienced since being here.

I realized though, that this isn’t just something that applies to being here in South Africa… rather, this negativity is something that I’ve struggled with my whole life. I’ve always wrestled with a “grass is always greener” mentality. As I look back through my life, I can see so many times where I wasn’t happy somewhere, but instead convinced I would be happier elsewhere. When I allow myself to walk in that negative mindset, I miss out on my own life.

When I left my sister’s house after she made that comment, I was launched into a time of self-examination. I went to bed that night, praying that God would do a work in me and that He would reveal to me the core issue so that I could deal with this ongoing problem in my outlook. He confronted hardcore the next morning with a parallel in my daily life that couldn’t have been more dead-on. There are times when my husband approaches me to “be romantic” (want to be sensitive in how I word this) and in my mind, it couldn’t be a more inconvenient time. It’s a time when I have a million reasons for why it’s just not a good time… the baby is about to wake up, I have food on the stove, I’m exhausted from running after a 1 year old and being pregnant… you name it, I have the reasons. But, thinking in my mind that I want to be a dutiful wife, I accept… but only in body. My heart and mind are elsewhere. I perform the act in order to fulfill my duty as wife… but my heart isn’t in it. This happened that morning…

A little later that day… I heard God remind me of what had happened with Bryan that morning. I heard Him say loud and clear, that that is exactly what I have done with Him. I have acted dutifully toward God. I have obeyed Him in body by leaving country and friends and family and coming here to South Africa, but my heart is elsewhere. But God “doesn’t want our burnt offerings, He wants us to know Him. He doesn’t want our sacrifices, He wants us to love Him.” (Hosea 6:6) God wants my heart, more than He wants my acts of service… just as Bryan wants my love more than he wants my begrudging fulfillment of a wifely duty. I went to Bryan and apologized and confessed my sin to him. I told him that in future, when I feel it is an “inconvenient” time… I will tell him I need a few minutes to get my heart and mind right and when I’m ready I will love him with every fiber of my being… I said the same to God. I got down on my knees and confessed my sin and I asked him for another chance… a chance to be here with everything I am.

I don’t want to be looking back one day on my time here in South Africa, and see days of negativity, selfish pouting and homesickness… I want to see productivity, love and LIFE.. a life that I LIVED and didn’t let pass me by.

My sister told me this morning that she has already seen a change in my attitude. That was so encouraging because I do feel that a change has taken place. But not a change that I have made… but a change that I know God has made in me. I am praying that He will continue to implement that change daily.

In the meantime, I am waking with the sunrise, and looking out over my new world with excitement and hope for what each day holds. Knowing that even if my day only consists of housework and caring for my child, that I can still please God and bring Him glory in that act.

My sister and I have plans for the young mom’s group in the works. There are 3-4 girls whose names have been given to us that live in Khayelitsha. They are between the ages of 16-18 and they all have babies. We are planning on meeting the girls next week some time and setting up when would be best for them to have our first study. We are planning for once a month at first, but we may change that eventually. I am so excited to know that there are girls who need our encouragement and support! Leigh and I can’t wait to lay out our vision for this group and to begin brainstorming topics to teach on and discuss.

ON A TOTALLY NEW NOTE………..

We had our ultrasound, and we are expecting ANOTHER BABY GIRL! We are so excited!!! Now my search for a midwife has begun!!! I’m excited to find someone and begin a relationship with the woman who will help deliver my daughter! Please pray for me in this process! I’ve chosen to go with a midwife this time around because OB-GYN’s in South Africa have a 95% C-Section rate (=NOT GOOD!)

Now we’re just praying about what we will name our new princess ;)

By the way, welcome to all my new followers! I’ve noticed a few of you who are new around here! Thank you so much for joining and I hope my stories about my life are encouraging to you! I look forward to reading your stories as I find the time.  I welcome comments always! I love to know  and “meet” who’s hanging out and reading about my life!

Oooo exciting fact… my sister and her husband have decided to spend a little extra and get high speed internet (a rarity here in South Africa!)… but they do video updates for their supporters so it’s totally worth it for their ministry. The great thing is that Bryan and I will get to use it when we are over there! So you can look forward to a few more frequent blogs from me!

Oooohhhhhhhhh and one more thing… please pray for my computer. Another missionary here tried to help me conserve internet time by turning off my automatic updates on my laptop… and she must have accidentally done something wrong because my computer won’t boot up now. It’s very hard because they don’t have Best Buy’s here or anything like that where I can just take it in and get it fixed… so I’m praying I’ll meet a nice Techie type person here who can help me out… VERY FRUSTRATING! Please pray. It’s hard not having my laptop and having to borrow Bryan’s all the time. Plus it’s just an expensive item that can’t just be replaced.

Okay… I’ve probably lost half of you by now!!!! Be Blessed!!!

Lighting Up

Tonight Bryan and I made a trip to Walmart. There are so many things we need before our big trip (which, no we haven't gotten our visas back yet, but with only a week left we are moving forward as though we will be able to go in faith the visas WILL come! AMEN!!! :)

We headed to the register with our cart full of random stuff... our cashier looked about mid-30s... super smiley and happy! She immediately made conversation with me... asking me all about my purchases, my night, Peyton, etc. We launched into this 15 minute chat about her son and his girlfriend, our trip to South Africa, and collagen mascara (of all things! ha!) We walked away with GENUINE well-wishes to have a nice night... with big beaming smiles meant to say that we both enjoyed each other's conversation.

As I walked away from her lane... Bryan and I talked about how wonderful it is when human beings acknowledge each other... lol you know what I mean? Like most of the time when you go to Walmart and check out, the cashier scans your items as quickly as possible, tells you what you owe, and then maybe throws a very half-hearted "have a nice day" your way. But other than that, you have no relationship with the face on the other side of the cash register.

Tonight, after I left Walmart, I literally couldn't stop smiling. Simply because that woman, a complete stranger, had taken a few minutes of her time to make conversation with me.

Humans were created for relationships.

I have been thinking so much about this lately... because since we've only lived in Arizona for a couple months, and since I've known that we would be leaving soon, I never made any friends here. Of course, there are people at church who I smile at... and the neighbor down the street who I wave to... but I don't have friends here. And because of that, I feel STARVED.. it might sound funny, but it's SO true! When someone in the mall or Walmart talks to me... I pounce on them! I'm so hungry for relationship! (whew, am I sounding creeper?) I went to Charlotte Russe the other day (shout-out to my favorite clothing shop!!!) and the sales girl who greeted me when I came in was soooooooo sweet. First of all she was the cutest little petite thing with long wild hair and the most adorable bohemian style... complete with gold accessories and gladiator sandals,... love love.... Second of all... she was the kind of girl who after talking to her for 5 minutes, you literally feel like you've known her your ENTIRE life and you honestly feel like you could share a secret with her. She's that personable. She immediately started asking me what I was shopping for, and started recommending different items to me... We stood talking for a few minutes... and I have to admit to you... I was THIS close to asking her what she was doing for lunch. I seriously have been THAT relationship starved these past couple months that I wanted to go for salads with the chick from Charlotte Russe who I JUST met!!! 

What can I say, I'm a relational girl. I love to surround myself with friends. And being here in Arizona... it's just been so hard. Bryan's been working 2 jobs... and we sold our second car (to get ready for the mission field) so I'm in the apartment all day with Peyton. It's been hard. I can't lie to you and say that it's been this amazing experience, because it hasn't. It's been so hard. 

I'm excited to go to South Africa and see what relationships God has in store for me there. I'm so ready. I'm so ready to get involved in a friend's life again and be able to pour out and be poured into in relationship! And to have my sister, Leigh nearby will be SUCH a huge blessing. I know that this has been a season of preparation and of waiting... and honestly... as I think about it.. before this I was a mentor at Bethany College of Missions and my FULL TIME JOB was relationships. Mentoring girls and setting an example to the student body... I was also working part time waitressing... dealing with all kinds of people... maybe God knew I needed a break from relationships... so that I could re-fuel and head to South Africa with this passionate drive to dive into godly relationships. Funny how hindsight is 20/20.

Please continue to pray that our visas will come through. The originals are still lost in the mail, but we were able to send a second application with copied documents. Read more about all of that (if you're interested) HERE