Making Today a Memory.

I stumbled on my old collection of home videos earlier this week. As I relived days gone by through the shaky lens of my phone camera, memories came flooding back. Funny how, even though my eldest is only four and a half, there are already days of parenting that are so far behind me I'll never go back to them. As I laughed at my oldest daughter at 20 months, making funny faces into the camera... and as I was impressed by my second daughter reciting flashcards at 15 months, I longed to go back. But I can't. That's life after all. You live each moment, and then it's gone. Just like that.

I'm a busy mom. I have piles of laundry and dishes, lists of appointments and reminders. There are toys to pick up, toilets to clean and hours worth of to do's. But what if today I let the piles grow? What if, for today, I left toys on the floor? What if we made peanut butter and jelly for dinner, ripped up the to do list and turned up our noses at the mess? What if instead we had a dance party in the living room--dressed in our twirliest dresses? What if instead we rolled around in the fresh snow until our noses turn red and we race inside for hot chocolate? What if instead of cleaning up my sons legos I build the biggest tower ever with him? What if instead of looking back on moments gone, I lived in moments now?

What if I made today with my kids, the best memory of them all?

“Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; 

and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. 

Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will 

be worth remembering”

― Ida Scott Taylor

My Peyton Spring

Four years ago you made me a momma.

I held you in my arms and we called you "Peyton Spring". You were warm and soft and fuzzy and pink. You were blond and blue eyed and the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. They put a little pink bow in your hair and I fell in love.

You were only hours old and I danced with you in my hospital gown. I was weak and I was sore from the labor of your life, but I was strong from new birth that coursed through me like a pulse. I danced with you and I sang you lullaby after lullaby. It was dark and your daddy slept, crumpled in that chair in the corner. Outside of our room the nurses worked and the women labored and the children were born. But there, in that room, dancing in the moonlight through the hospital window it was only you and me.

You were so small. So tiny and so lovely. So fragile and so very full of life.

Peyton Spring. "Christlike Renewal". The meaning couldn't have fit more perfectly. From the moment your life began, you were renewing me. What you've done in my life, Peyton, it can't be described any other way. You've been a fresh spring breeze and a fountain of life in our home. You've renewed the way I think, the way I feel and the way I love. You've made me softer, quieter, gentler. You've made me laugh more, made me dance more, made me smile more. You've humbled me. You've made me a better person.

You have these laughing blue eyes that sparkle. You have these strong little arms that hug me tight. I love it when you whisper secrets to me and when you proudly show me your paintings or the flower you picked just for me. I love watching you run through the grass, blond curls wildly bouncing and strong legs carrying you to some far off dream. You are passion. You are freedom. You are a freshness and a lightness that is medicine for my soul.

You are my firstborn. You had two younger siblings all before you ever even turned 3, but you took it all in stride. You have been mommy's right hand helper and you are so nurturing and caring. You take time to consider each member of the family and are always aware of so much more than I am. You "translate" your siblings baby speak and you always look out for their needs. You share better than any other preschooler I've ever met and I know it's not just because you've had to. You are sensitive to others and you are loving. You care deeply and you are quick to tell those you love how you feel about them.

You make me want to be young again. To run with you through a field and laugh about grass that tickles our feet. To swing higher, higher, higher. To lay on our backs and look at the sky and identify butterflies and decide which bird is the daddy. To giggle. But you also make me want to be old. To be wise. To be the best mother that has ever lived because I'm yours. You make me want to know everything so I can answer every question. You make me want to understand everything so I can always do right by you. You make me want to be selfless and to always be ready to drop everything and listen to your heart.

You are beautiful, Peyton. I am so thankful that I was given you as a daughter. Your life is my dream come true.

I love you. Always.

Our Glory Baby

It's with a heavy heart that I write this post.

This past week, we lost our precious fourth child. I was 10 weeks along. I don't have many words right now, and maybe in time I will. But for now, this beautiful song by Watermark has put words to the deepest feelings in my heart that I cannot yet fully express.

Here is what I posted on Facebook: 
Thank you all for being excited with us as we announced our fourth pregnancy. Sadly, our baby has gone to be with Jesus. We will forever love and miss our precious Glory Baby.

"Heaven will hold you before we do. Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you.... Baby let sweet Jesus hold you until Mom & Dad can hold you... We will miss you every day and we will miss you in every way, but we can't wait for the day when we will see you... I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies and what they must sound like. But I will rest in knowing, Heaven is your home and it's all you'll ever know." (Glory Baby by Watermark)

Just so you know, Part 2 will be delayed.

A few people have asked me when I'm going to post part 2 of Hunter's story. I have to be honest with you and say, I'm not sure when.

What I will say is that Hunter was able to leave the NICU and come home to us on March 28th-- 13 days after he was born. I want to say thank you all for the continued prayers, love and support you extended to us during such a dark time. Hunter is thriving at home, and is gaining weight even faster than his doctors had hoped! He is a happy and content little one month old :) Looking at his perfect little face you'd never know what he's been through already.

The reason I'm not posting part 2 just yet, is because since Hunter has been released from the NICU, our home has been filled with more laughter, joy, contentment and peace than we have had in a while. Each time I sat down at my computer to type out the darkest moments of our journey, I simply couldn't face the sadness. It's not a tempting choice to face all that pain when you're standing in a place of so much happiness. Does that make sense? Hunter's time in the NICU was the hardest thing we've been through. We dealt with possibilities that we've never even before had to think about. We dealt with emotions that we hadn't even dreamt up in our worst nightmares. The scary reality of possibly losing a child was so painful, that frankly, I'm just not ready to re-live it all.

So for now, I want to let you into the joyful part of Hunter's life rather than the painful part. One day I will type it out... mainly because I do want Hunter to one day know in full the road he's walked and the amazing things God has done for him and through him already. But for now, I want to dwell in this place of happiness and remarkable gratitude. Because this is how we face Hunter's life.

Hunter's Birth Story & Journey Home (Part 1)

It's taken me 11 days to even tell you that my son was born. 

That's because those 11 days have been the most intense, most sobering, most heart breaking and yet most faith growing days of my life.

Hunter Zion Flores was born on Thursday, March 15 at 6:53 pm. 

He was born at 35 weeks, 3 days gestation.

He was 6 pounds, 4 ounces and 20 inches long.

One hour after birth, Hunter was taken to the NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit) in 

respiratory distress. 

As I write this post, he is still not discharged. 

Please join me in prayer that my son will soon be home in my arms. 

His journey is already a long one with many parts and pieces. 

I've only begun to scratch the surface of writing them down, but I know that one day I will want to remember. Not the heartache of it all, but the triumphs. 

I want to remember the faithfulness of God and the gentleness of His heart towards us in this time.

This is part 1 of Hunter Zion's story:

My darling little boy, 

I wanted to write this all out while it is still fresh in my mind. You are only 3 days old, and already so much has happened since your birth that is clouding my memory. I want to write this all down so that one day, we can read it together and I can tell you about the great things that God did in your life from the very start. 

You were conceived last August. Your life was intended to be, sweet boy. God placed you in my womb with His very hands and spoke you into existence. My love for you began growing the moment I learned you were inside of me. 

When your daddy and I found out you were a little boy, we were overjoyed! I don’t think I’ve ever seen your daddy stand taller! We were so excited to know that a son would be joining our family. We began praying that God would give us a name for you. A name that was strong and firm, that represented who you would be. We knew we wanted you to be Hunter. We loved the masculinity of the name and the way it rolled off our tongues. We loved that it meant seeker, pursuer. We began to pray to ask God what your middle name should be. We wanted a name that would complete your first name well. What would it be that you would seek? After what would you chase? One night, your father and I were praying about your life. God lead us to several passages in Scripture that talked about seeking God on his holy mountain. Mount Zion. We knew then that you would be called Hunter Zion--Seeker of God’s Holy Mountain. Pursuer of God’s presence. 

My pregnancy with you went well. I felt really good for most of the pregnancy and was enjoying feeling you move and watching you grow. Twice while I was pregnant with you, I did bleed a little bit and it frightened me. I didn’t want to lose you. Both times I got on my knees and asked God to keep you safe. Both times He responded and stopped the bleeding. 

You were such an active baby in my womb. I felt you rolling and kicking and flipping and punching. You got the hiccups often which were so fun to feel! I started to learn your patterns--when you would sleep and when you were most wide awake. After your big sisters were in bed for the night, you would come most alive. It was like you knew you had Mommy & Daddy all to yourself and were ready to show off for us! We loved that special time with you. 

When I was about 7 months along with you, I started to feel a little itchy. I was concerned because while I was pregnant with both your sisters, I had a condition called “Cholestasis” which made my liver enzymes go a little off balance. It’s a dangerous condition that, if not treated, can cause babies to die in the womb. I got tested for it, but was told that I did not have it. I breathed a sigh of relief, yet wondered why the itching continued. A couple of weeks later I asked to be tested again. I felt like the itching was getting worse. My doctors confirmed that yes, I did indeed have Cholestasis. (I was about 34 weeks along.) As the week went by, my itching only worsened. The medication they had given me wasn’t seeming to help at all, and I was miserable. I went for another test to check the levels of bile acid in my blood. We waited three days for the test results to come back in. Those three days, I didn’t sleep hardly at all. My skin crawled and itched so much that I tore into my skin trying to get relief. Through those days, however, I thanked God that you remained active and healthy inside of me. I went two times to have you monitored so we could confirm that you were still okay. You were perfect. On Tuesday morning, March 13th, my doctor called me to let me know that my levels were dangerously high. The risk level of Cholestasis dramatically increases at level 40, and I was at level 88. It was no longer safe for you to remain inside my womb. In order to make sure that you would be alright, they had to induce my labor. They wanted to wait 48 hours in order to give you steroids that would hopefully help in maturing your lungs. As soon as those steroids were given, they would induce. 

All kinds of thoughts began to run through my brain. On one hand, I was so excited that I would finally look at your face and hold you in my arms in only 2 days. But at the same time, I was terrified. I was only 35 weeks along… you would be born a month early. I knew that there were a lot of risks that went with having a baby so early, but unfortunately the risks were greater of you staying inside my womb. Although they can try, there really is no way to know for sure whether a baby with Cholestasis is going to live or die from one day to the next. The heart beat can be strong one day, and gone the next. For your safety, and for mine, you had to come into the world much sooner than expected.

I prepared myself for your arrival. I busied myself working in your room and eating healthy meals to prepare for labor. I prayed and prayed over you and dreamt of you each time I was able to sleep. 

On Thursday morning, March 15th, we got a phone call asking us to be at the hospital at 10:30 am. We kissed your sisters and left them with your grandma. We got in the car and prepared ourselves to finally meet our beautiful son. We prayed over you unceasingly. The sun was shining brightly and it was so warm for a March morning. 

When we got to the hospital, things were moving more slowly than we expected. It took some time to fill out all the paperwork, talk with the nurses and midwife, and discuss options for starting labor. We agreed to have my water broken and then we would see if labor would begin from there. I was 4-5 cm dilated and 80% effaced when we came in. Your head was at +1 station. My midwife broke my water and immediately I was exactly 5 cm and 90%. After my water was broken, we agreed to wait for labor. A couple of hours went by with nothing more than a few small contractions. We continued to wait. Your daddy and I walked around the hospital in hopes that would help things move forward. We enjoyed looking out the big windows in the birthing center and seeing the bright sun shine through the windows. 

Finally around 4:00 we realized that labor wasn’t coming as quickly as we thought it would. And because at this point, we knew it was safer for you to be out than in, we decided to start Pitocin (a drug that helps induce labor) Once pitocin began, labor came quickly and painfully. The contractions were fast and furious. I knew I wanted an epidural, but I wanted to wait. I was in so much pain, but I knew the pain was bringing you closer and closer to me.

Finally after a lot of pain, when the contractions were so close together that I could barely catch my breath between them, they ordered the epidural for me. I had a lot of contractions while they were trying to place it, which all made it very difficult to sit still. Finally, once the epidural was placed, I was able to lean back and focus on you coming into the world. I continued to feel my contractions, however, and the anesthesiologist confirmed that my body was moving faster than the epidural. You were coming quickly. 

Not long after, I felt ready to push. I pushed only three times, but it was fast and intense. Pushing you out was extremely painful and I couldn’t help but yell out. Just when I thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, I felt the rush of your body leaving mine. When the midwife placed you on my chest, I gasped at the sight of you. You were so beautiful. Your cries filled my heart with joy and I allowed my body to relax after all the work I had just done.

I cuddled you in my arms and cherished your scent and the feel of your warm little body. I hushed you as you cried and stroked your sweet head. We cuddled like that for about an hour. I didn’t tear at all when you were born so we were able to really enjoy that time together. Daddy kissed your head and we both gazed into your eyes. You were so alert and obviously taking in the sights of the new world around you. 

When you were about an hour old, the nurses agreed you should be weighed. From there, things happened so quickly. I remember rejoicing when they told me you were 6 lbs 4 oz. I couldn’t believe how big you were for being so early. I was so happy that you were strong. Then all of a sudden, I remember seeing more and more people come in to the room. My pediatrician was one of them. The next thing I knew, she was telling me that you had to be taken to the NICU. You weren’t breathing well. My intense joy suddenly turned to fear… Suddenly they were placing you in my arms and telling me to say goodbye. The tears fell as I kissed your head. “Probably 24-48 hours.” They told me. They might as well have said it would be a lifetime. My arms immediately felt empty and so did my heart.

Your daddy went with them to take you to the NICU. Suddenly I was alone with my midwife and your pediatrician. They were comforting me, patting my legs and telling me you would be just fine. My eyes blurred from the tears and suddenly the pain of the labor I’d just endured felt nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

I asked if I could go see you as soon as I was cleaned up. They said of course. As I was getting ready to leave, they gave me some medication through my IV to help stop the itching from the Cholestasis. As soon as the medication went into my IV, I started to feel faint. I couldn’t focus and I was so dizzy. I felt like I was going to vomit or fall over, I wasn’t sure which. The nurse helped me get back in bed, and I laid there, frightened and wishing only to see you.

After what seemed like forever,  I opened my eyes and felt like things were a little clearer. I was still feeling light headed, but I was better enough to go see you in the NICU.

To be continued soon in Part 2.

The News is OUT!

Well, if you're my friend on facebook then you already know my big news :) (and what one of those doctor's appointments today was for!)

Baby #3 (eeeek!) is due on April 16, 2012!!! It's been so hard to blog in the past few weeks, knowing this big news but not really being ready to share it with the world :) Which is why I honestly just didn't really blog.... I felt so dishonest... haha. 

We were totally surprised by this pregnancy! But we know that this life is ordained by God and it certainly was no surprise to Him! I can hardly believe there is yet another life inside my womb. Life is such a miracle... such a gift. It isn't given lightly. 

I had thought I was due on April 22, but the ultrasound showed baby due on the 16th... a full week earlier than I had calculated! It's kind of nice to just sort of "skip" a week ;) Baby looks so beautiful! With my first 2, I had the initial ultrasound around 7 weeks, and baby always looks mostly like an oval at that point, so to see this baby was such a pleasant surprise for me. This baby truly looks like a baby! Seeing his or her little head and body was miraculous! I'm so blessed.

I've been REALLY nauseous this time around. Much more than with the first 2. Ick. Even as I'm writing this I'm so ready to just run to the bathroom! Still no puking, (thank God!) but just constant wanting to. Ugh. But God keeps reminding me... what's a little nausea compared to LIFE?! nothing, that's what!

I can't believe I'm jumping back into this world of pregnancy! With a 2 year old and 9 month old in tow. Whew, what a crazy life, huh?!

You know, on my way to my appointment today, God did such a work in my heart. I've been so shocked by this pregnancy and at times I've felt so overwhelmed by this new reality. But today, as I drove to the doctor (alone in the car... ahhhh.... kids were with Grandma!) God spoke to me in volumes. I was listening to the song "Beautiful Grace" by Tommee Proffitt and I just felt like I was falling in love with Jesus all over again. I was reminded of the BIG picture....and the fact that even if having 3 kids will be the most difficult thing I've ever done.... and even if I'm exhausted and nauseous while chasing around 2 little ones....and even if I cry some days because I feel like I'm drowning... what God is doing is SO MUCH BIGGER.

When Mary conceived Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit, her reputation became crap. She was viewed as unfaithful, an adulteress and fornicator. She was questioned by her fiance. She was probably defamed, made fun of, and whispered about. But God's plan was SO much more important than all of that. She was probably so uncomfortable as she rode, 9 months pregnant, on the back of a donkey through the rough terrain. She was probably SUPER uncomfortable giving birth in a smelly stable.... but God's plan was BIGGER. His ways are HIGHER than our WAYS. His thoughts, than our thoughts. HE knows the big picture, which is why we have to trust Him even in our uncertainty. 

How dare I feel as though it's an inconvenient time to get pregnant. 

life is never an incovenience. 

it is always, only, ever a BLESSING. 

the fulfillment of a dream in God's heart to create another worshiper to glorify Himself. 

life is beautiful.

life is precious.

life is a gift.

How blessed am I to carry it inside my own body? 

Intentional Parenting

God has been whispering to my heart lately about parenting. Specifically about parenting my precocious two year old, Peyton.

God has been showing me that the way I parent Peyton every day directly effects the person Peyton is and will become. It sounds obvious, right? Well, sometimes I take a while to catch on, I guess.

Peyton will be 2 years old tomorrow. As she grows and becomes a young girl, her personality is emerging. She is passionate. She has a strong will, but it is balanced by a sensitive and compassionate heart. She doesn't do anything halfway. She throws herself into each and every experience without holding anything back. To be honest, sometimes looking at her is like looking into a mirror. As I watch her, my first born, I am reminded of the days when my own heart was as free and child-like as hers. When every new day was the dawn of a new adventure. When the world was full of hope and blissful mystery. 

When an education was found in every experience.

For Peyton, almost everything is new. In her 2 short years she may have already traveled the globe, but she still has never seen so many things. She has yet to learn how to count to 15. She doesn't know how many letters make up the alphabet. She's never heard the word "antonym" and she doesn't know about different religions. She's never heard of Lady Gaga, or the South Pole, and she's never seen a snake.


Recently I have been struck with the revelation that what I don't teach my children, they will learn somewhere else.

Peyton loves the movie "Charlottes Web". As you may know, Charlotte (the intelligent talking spider) dies at the end of the movie. There is a brief scene where Charlotte explains to Wilbur (the spring pig) about death and how it is the "way of all of us". As I watched Peyton stare at the screen and absorb the words being spoken, I realized that that was the first time she'd heard of death. I had never spoken to her about it... so she didn't know... but, now she did. And she learned it from Charlotte's Web. Was that really where I wanted her to learn of it?

Now I realize, that chances are she didn't really take in that definition and chances also are that she won't remember that scene long enough to understand it. But, God used that moment to teach me that Peyton is learning and will learn about all the things of this world. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the horrifying. Who will she learn them from? And will her teacher speak with love and tenderness? Or will those who teach her care nothing of how the education they provide strikes her tender young heart?

That same night, after my girls were sound asleep, I knelt down and asked God to help me be a parent. I asked him to help me to be intentional as I teach my daughters. I have to be honest, most days as a mother of 2 little ones, it's difficult to see the big picture. It's easy to simply try to get through the day without always acknowledging the importance of making calculated parenting decisions. But as I knelt there before God, He led me to a passage in His word that I now call my road map for raising my kids.

I want to read this passage over my children every day. I want to write it on their hearts and inscribe it on their hands. I want them to live this way... If they live with this passage as their constant instruction, then I will have been a mother who has done well before God. I can only pray that God will give me the grace and power to teach my children to obey these words:

(Note: I know this is a long passage, but if you are a parent I urge you to take the time to read it through. Pray it over your children today and every day.)

Proverbs 4

"Hear, O sons the instruction of a father,

And give attention that you may gain understanding,

For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction.

When I was a son to my father, 

Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother,

Then he taught me and said to me, 

Let your heart hold fast my words;

Keep my commandments and LIVE;

Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!

Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. 

Do not forsake her (wisdom) and she will guard you;

Love her, and she will watch over you. 

The beginning of wisdom is: Aquire wisdom.

And with all your acquiring, get understanding.

Prize her, and she will exalt you; 

She will honor you if you embrace her.

She will place on your head a garland of grace;

She will present you with a crown of BEAUTY.

"Hear my son, and accept my sayings

And the years of your life will be many.

I have directed you in the way of wisdom;

I have led you in upright paths. 

When you walk, your steps will not be impeded; 

And if you run, you will not stumble.

Take hold of instruction; do not let go. 

Guard her for she is your life. 

Do not enter the path of the wicked, 

And do not proceed in the way of evil men. 

Avoid it, do not pass by it.

Turn away from it and pass on. 

For they cannot sleep unless they do evil; 

And they are robbed of sleep unless they make someone stumble. 

For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.

But the path of the righteous is like the LIGHT OF DAWN.

That shines brighter and brighter until the full day.

The way of the wicked is like darkness;

They do not know over what they stumble.

My son, give attention to my words;

Incline your ear to my sayings. 

Do not let them depart from your sight; 

Keep them in the midst of your heart, 

For they are life to those who find them

And health to all their body.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, 

For from it flow the SPRING OF LIFE.

Put away from you a deceitful mouth

And put devious speech far from you.
Let your eyes look directly ahead

And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.

Watch the path of your feet 

And all your ways WILL BE ESTABLISHED.

Do not turn to the right, nor to the left; 

Turn your foot from evil."

Dreams for my Daughters

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want my daughters lives to be like. As Bryan and I lay awake at night together, dreaming about our future, that's the topic that comes up the most. How do we want their childhoods to be spent?

It took us some time, but we've realized--without doubt--that parenting is the calling God has given us for this season. (see this post for that story) In light of that realization, we want to have specific goals and dreams for our daughters.We are still searching for the full vision for their lives, but a few things are already sure:

1) I want them to be dreamers. Whenever I'm asked to describe myself as a young girl, one phrase always passes through my lips, "I was forever chasing fireflies and catching dreams". You see, I was a dreamer, and I want the same for my daughters. I fear that their generation is so full of electronics and social networking that they will lose the art of play. I don't want my daughters to connect with each other over X-box Kinect... but rather I want them to connect by losing themselves in the mystery of their own imaginations. I want them to run wild and free in a spacious backyard. I want them to climb a tree and enter a kingdom full of possibility. I don't want their fancy dress up games to be outfitting their avatars on the Wii... but rather to open a trunk in their bedroom where they've collected piles of ribbon and tulle, too big high heels and feathered boas. I want them to run barefoot through the tall grass, to feel the wind and sunshine on their faces and in their hair. I want them to learn responsibility not through having to constantly check back on their Farmville crops, but through feeding their puppies and watering their pony. I want them to run and laugh and play. To lay in the grass, look at the clouds and lose themselves in possibility. I want them to dream without limit and to hope without fear of disappointment.

2) I want them to enjoy life. I remember watching "Bridge to Terebithia" a couple of years ago. There was a scene in the movie where the little girl comes home from school and her parents tell her that they're on a mission to paint their living room gold so that by sunset, the light would bounce off the walls and "catch fire". When they're done, they all sit on the floor with popcorn and lemonade, admiring their work and enjoying that messy moment of blissful togetherness. That image has stuck with me... the idea of being carefree enough to let loose just so my children can have special, happy memories. To not worry about the messiness of life, but just to allow life to happen in its purest form--sloppy, unplanned, flawed, accidentally beautiful life.

3) I want them to know how much they're loved. ...and not only by me. I adore my beautiful girls... but I'm not the only one who does. They have a father who would give the world for them. A daddy who protects and loves them with a fierceness that takes my breath away. In a world that knows fatherlessness all too well, my daughters are blessed enough to know the love of a daddy who has given himself fully to his God-given role. They will never wonder if they are beautiful--he will tell them that they are. They will never question that they are protected--his strong arms will answer them. They will never need to look for the picture of true manhood--their father is a firm example. And Bryan's example is God. An example that will never fail--One that will pick up the pieces that Bryan can't fit. the One who will answer the questions we can't resolve. I want my girls to know how deeply and passionately their Heavenly Father yearns for their hearts. And I want for them to give Him their hearts without reserve. Only love given fully can know love completely.

I realize that those are broad, and undefined, and leave a lot to still be envisioned... but those are the 3 main things that I dream for my girls. And I hope and pray that they are dreams that will come true.

Britany Zoe Flores

Well, I know it's been a while, but lets just say... I have a good excuse!

Britany Zoe Flores 

arrived on December 7, 2010 at 8:01 am!

6 pounds, 7 ounces & 19 1/2 inches long!

Britany's name means "Defender of Life". Her life story is already a breathtaking one... and she's just 3 1/2 weeks old. 

We conceived Britany at a time when we weren't planning on having a second child. She wasn't part of our plan, but she sure was a part of God's. Her conception opened our eyes to the reality that we can't control life. That power belongs to God, and God alone. And in His hands alone does it belong. 

At just 10 weeks of pregnancy, we flew across the ocean to Cape Town, South Africa to embark on the most incredible life changing experience we have ever shared as a family. At 25 weeks, we flew back to the U.S. due to circumstances beyond our control. At 31 weeks of pregnancy, I was admitted to the hospital with pre-term labor. I was faced with the reality that my baby might be born at a dangerously small size, and perhaps might not survive. I was put on bed rest for 3 weeks, a time during which I realized that every little decision I would make could effect my daughter for life. At 36 weeks, I began to develop symptoms of the dangerous disease Cholestasis (which I had during my pregnancy with Peyton... read about it HERE The more doctors research this disease, they are finding that you can have a 100% healthy baby one day, and a dead baby the next. This disease is frightening, and unfortunately awareness about it is poor at best.) At 36 1/2 weeks, I cried out to God. I pleaded with Him for the life of my baby--just as I did when I contracted the disease with Peyton--I asked Him that if I was truly developing Cholestasis if He would cause me to go into labor right away to save the life of my baby. No sooner had I said Amen, than the contractions began. Once in the hospital the doctor tested my blood levels and sure enough, I had Cholestasis. Even though I was already in labor, they broke my water to expedite the process. 3 1/2 hours later, Britany was in my arms... and her father and I were praising God for saving her life. 

Britany Zoe is now 3 1/2 weeks old and she is the light of our lives. Each time I look at her healthy, perfect form, I am reminded of a God who knit her together intricately inside my body. I praise that God for His faithfulness, His mercy and His favor toward us. 

 

Big sister Peyton is absolutely in love!!! I praise God for how He's been faithful even to her in this time. I worried (naturally) that Peyton would still feel secure in her place in our family... and in all honesty, she couldn't be a more wonderful big sister. She wakes up each morning, and as soon as she sees her new sister, she shrieks "Hi you! Hiiii!!" She calls Britany, "Momma" (haha! not sure why?!) and is always concerned about her. I've even caught her sneaking Britany some yogurt and attempting to feed her out of her doll's baby bottle! She has transitioned well to becoming a more and more independent big sister. I couldn't be a more proud or blessed mother. 

No, I haven't had a good nights sleep in weeks. No, I don't have time to do alot of the "me-things" I enjoy. Yes, I am crazy busy. Yes, I do want to pull my hair out some days. But Yes. Yes I am in love. Yes I am overwhelmed with pride and joy. Yes, I am exactly who I want to be. Yes, I am living the life I love. 

Norah Grace Myers

My new niece was born yesterday!!! Norah Grace Myers was born at 6:21pm on September 24th. She's perfect! 8lbs 6oz and 21 inches long! She has a full head of gorgeous dark hair and is absolutely beautiful! I am so proud of Leigh! She did great! Here's a picture... Isn't she just lovely?


I just can't wait for Peyton and Norah to meet! Since we're going to South Africa, they'll more than likely end up being much more like sisters than cousins. I am so thrilled that my darling niece is here! I just can't wait to hold her and love her! She is EXQUISITE! She has the most beautiful mouth! She is definitely the SECOND most beautiful baby I have ever seen! (Peyton being the most of course!!! ;)

I am so happy to announce her birth to all of you!

On another note, something which probably belongs in it's own post, but why waste the space?
I started writing a Mother's Journal tonight for Peyton. It's basically a book of letters and keepsakes from me to her. I want her to be able to have it for years to come and to be able to look back and see how very much I love her.

I haven't decided yet when I will give it to her. Maybe her 16th birthday? Maybe when she leaves for college? Maybe when she gets married? Not sure yet. But hopefully I'll keep up with it, because I think it will be a great treasure if I do. What do you think? Fun idea? Now I just have to make sure I keep up with it!!