My Peyton Spring

Four years ago you made me a momma.

I held you in my arms and we called you "Peyton Spring". You were warm and soft and fuzzy and pink. You were blond and blue eyed and the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. They put a little pink bow in your hair and I fell in love.

You were only hours old and I danced with you in my hospital gown. I was weak and I was sore from the labor of your life, but I was strong from new birth that coursed through me like a pulse. I danced with you and I sang you lullaby after lullaby. It was dark and your daddy slept, crumpled in that chair in the corner. Outside of our room the nurses worked and the women labored and the children were born. But there, in that room, dancing in the moonlight through the hospital window it was only you and me.

You were so small. So tiny and so lovely. So fragile and so very full of life.

Peyton Spring. "Christlike Renewal". The meaning couldn't have fit more perfectly. From the moment your life began, you were renewing me. What you've done in my life, Peyton, it can't be described any other way. You've been a fresh spring breeze and a fountain of life in our home. You've renewed the way I think, the way I feel and the way I love. You've made me softer, quieter, gentler. You've made me laugh more, made me dance more, made me smile more. You've humbled me. You've made me a better person.

You have these laughing blue eyes that sparkle. You have these strong little arms that hug me tight. I love it when you whisper secrets to me and when you proudly show me your paintings or the flower you picked just for me. I love watching you run through the grass, blond curls wildly bouncing and strong legs carrying you to some far off dream. You are passion. You are freedom. You are a freshness and a lightness that is medicine for my soul.

You are my firstborn. You had two younger siblings all before you ever even turned 3, but you took it all in stride. You have been mommy's right hand helper and you are so nurturing and caring. You take time to consider each member of the family and are always aware of so much more than I am. You "translate" your siblings baby speak and you always look out for their needs. You share better than any other preschooler I've ever met and I know it's not just because you've had to. You are sensitive to others and you are loving. You care deeply and you are quick to tell those you love how you feel about them.

You make me want to be young again. To run with you through a field and laugh about grass that tickles our feet. To swing higher, higher, higher. To lay on our backs and look at the sky and identify butterflies and decide which bird is the daddy. To giggle. But you also make me want to be old. To be wise. To be the best mother that has ever lived because I'm yours. You make me want to know everything so I can answer every question. You make me want to understand everything so I can always do right by you. You make me want to be selfless and to always be ready to drop everything and listen to your heart.

You are beautiful, Peyton. I am so thankful that I was given you as a daughter. Your life is my dream come true.

I love you. Always.