My Peyton Spring

Four years ago you made me a momma.

I held you in my arms and we called you "Peyton Spring". You were warm and soft and fuzzy and pink. You were blond and blue eyed and the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. They put a little pink bow in your hair and I fell in love.

You were only hours old and I danced with you in my hospital gown. I was weak and I was sore from the labor of your life, but I was strong from new birth that coursed through me like a pulse. I danced with you and I sang you lullaby after lullaby. It was dark and your daddy slept, crumpled in that chair in the corner. Outside of our room the nurses worked and the women labored and the children were born. But there, in that room, dancing in the moonlight through the hospital window it was only you and me.

You were so small. So tiny and so lovely. So fragile and so very full of life.

Peyton Spring. "Christlike Renewal". The meaning couldn't have fit more perfectly. From the moment your life began, you were renewing me. What you've done in my life, Peyton, it can't be described any other way. You've been a fresh spring breeze and a fountain of life in our home. You've renewed the way I think, the way I feel and the way I love. You've made me softer, quieter, gentler. You've made me laugh more, made me dance more, made me smile more. You've humbled me. You've made me a better person.

You have these laughing blue eyes that sparkle. You have these strong little arms that hug me tight. I love it when you whisper secrets to me and when you proudly show me your paintings or the flower you picked just for me. I love watching you run through the grass, blond curls wildly bouncing and strong legs carrying you to some far off dream. You are passion. You are freedom. You are a freshness and a lightness that is medicine for my soul.

You are my firstborn. You had two younger siblings all before you ever even turned 3, but you took it all in stride. You have been mommy's right hand helper and you are so nurturing and caring. You take time to consider each member of the family and are always aware of so much more than I am. You "translate" your siblings baby speak and you always look out for their needs. You share better than any other preschooler I've ever met and I know it's not just because you've had to. You are sensitive to others and you are loving. You care deeply and you are quick to tell those you love how you feel about them.

You make me want to be young again. To run with you through a field and laugh about grass that tickles our feet. To swing higher, higher, higher. To lay on our backs and look at the sky and identify butterflies and decide which bird is the daddy. To giggle. But you also make me want to be old. To be wise. To be the best mother that has ever lived because I'm yours. You make me want to know everything so I can answer every question. You make me want to understand everything so I can always do right by you. You make me want to be selfless and to always be ready to drop everything and listen to your heart.

You are beautiful, Peyton. I am so thankful that I was given you as a daughter. Your life is my dream come true.

I love you. Always.

Britany Zoe is TWO!

I can't believe I'm really sitting down to write this post. But here we are, December 7, 2012 and that means that my sweet Britany is really 2 years old.

Two years ago today, welcomed our sweet girl into this world. Her birth was by far the easiest out of my three kids. It was a relatively calm experience and I felt so peaceful during it. I loved the doctor who delivered her and I can remember laughing at a joke she made while pushing! You can read Britany's birth story here.  And if you're interested in reading about Britany's first year of life, you can do that too ;) 

First picture with Daddy

First picture with Mommy

First picture with BIG sister Peyton

This has been a big year in Miss Britany's life. When she was 15 months old, she became a big sister! She couldn't have made a better transition. Britany has been the most loving, caring, nurturing "little mommy" to little Hunter. 

I was worried about how she would react to him at first, since she's always been Mommy's girl and has been very attached to me. I remember the night before he was born, I rocked Britany to sleep in my arms and just wept. I couldn't believe that my baby was really going to be the big sister. In a way, I had to grieve that she was no longer going to be my baby. (I know it sounds weird, but moms of more than one kid, I think you'll get it!) But as soon as she met little Hunter, she was in love. She gave him kisses constantly and every morning when she woke up (actually she STILL does this!) she looked for Hunter first thing to give him a good morning kiss and hug. 

Still to this day she is so concerned about Hunter always. If she hears him crying she's sure to let me know so that I can take care of him. She brings him toys and food (sometimes food he's not supposed to have haha) and likes to help with his diaper changes and dressing him. He's her own real life baby doll ;) 

Britany's relationship with big sister Peyton has only continued to grow. They are best friends and the perfect playmates. Of course they fight, but they fight a lot less than they get along. They are always looking out for one another and always coming up with new games to play :) I'll often look over and find them both squished in a laundry basket together with blankets, pillows and stuffed animals going on a "train ride" or building a fort. They LOVE to be together. 

Loving each other!

Waiting for Mommy & Daddy to come home from the hospital

Playing in the stream this past summer in VT

Painting together

Feeding the ducks at the waterfront in VT

Loitering ;) in Burlington VT

 Britany is a joy to be around and is such a wonderful part of our family. We wouldn't be who we are without her. She has a sweet, sensitive side that brings out the most tender parts in me.

Britany is full of life and definitely full of LOVE. She has this way of hugging that makes you feel like you could never let go. She melts into you and holds you so close you can feel her heart beat. She gives the most slobbery kisses and has this crinkly nose way of smiling. She runs around so quickly and is always the busiest little Bee. She always has some "mission" or task that she's accomplishing, but she's never too busy to be interrupted for a kiss :) She's been practically BEGGING me to potty train her even though I've been hesitant, but my sweet girl will get her wish as underwear will be one of her presents :) She wants to do EVERYTHING that Peyton does and can't be left out. She loves to have her tummy and back tickled and will loudly request it until you comply :) Britany is our affectionate one. She's loving, tender, compassionate and sweet. She's chubby cheeks and chocolate brown eyes. She's silky soft skin and tough little bare feet. She's an infectious laugh and a pitiful whine. She's a little sister, and a big sister. She's our wise old owl who can empathize with anyone, and she's our shy little bird hiding behind my legs when strangers pass. She's breathtakingly beautiful.

I really can't believe she's 2 today. It feels like yesterday we brought her home from the hospital... pink and warm and snuggly.

We love you Britany Zoe. And we wouldn't trade you for the world.

Happy First Birthday Britany Zoe

 My Darling Britany Zoe,

I can't believe that I'm sitting here writing this letter.

To think that a year has passed since you arrived, sweet girl, is unreal. And yet, I feel like you've been part of our family forever.

I found out I was pregnant with you in April 2010. Your big sister was only 10 months old, and I was surprised to be pregnant again so soon. But the moment the reality sank in that our family was growing again, I began to feel such a deep love for you. I dreamed of what you would be like, and how much fun you and your sister would have together. When we found out you were a little girl, we knew immediately what we would call you. Britany Zoe--"Defender of Life". or "Bright, Bold, Beautiful Life". We knew that you would be a child that would bring life--both to our family and to the world.

16 weeks pregnant in South Africa

26 weeks pregnant in Vermont

30 weeks pregnant in Vermont

36 weeks pregnant--the same day I went into labor.
You were born only hours after this picture was taken!

 My pregnancy with you wasn't an easy one. From moving to South Africa when I was 2 months pregnant, to moving back to the U.S. when I was 5 months along and then pre-term labor and a hospital stay at 7 months, and then bed rest until finally you were born 4 weeks early.

But despite that difficult pregnancy, your birth was one of the most peaceful events of my life. I felt so calm knowing that you were on your way! Your labor only took 3 1/2 hours. I pushed you out in 10 minutes. Your daddy and my doctor supported me through the whole experience and encouraged me to keep going! When you came into the world and they laid me in your arms, I fell instantly in love! The pediatric team was there prepared to take you to the NICU since you were 4 weeks early, but the moment you arrived they turned and left because it was obvious you were a healthy baby! I praised God for that! My recovery from your birth was seamless. I didn't need any stitching or anything, so I was able to focus on loving you and not as much on healing. We had such wonderful moments of cuddling in the hospital!

The first picture of you! Moments after your birth
at 8:01 AM on December 7, 2010.

Meeting big sister Peyton for the very first time!

We were able to bring you home from the hospital after only staying there one night. I was so anxious to bring you home and to begin life as a mother of two!

a couple days old

You were an absolute DREAM of a baby to have! You slept a lot of the time, and when you were awake you were happy and content to be held and loved by all of us and your doting sister. You made the sweetest coos and sounds and your wide brown eyes were captivating to everyone who met you.

5 days old

2 weeks old, lying in Daddy's arms

As you continued to grow throughout the year, your sweet personality continued to come through more and more. You were tender, loving, sensitive and happy. Your smile was always ready and your sweetness apparent. Everyone who meets you comments on your striking beauty and your smooth, olive skin.

3 months old

4 months old

5 months old

5 months old, looking just like Daddy!

6 months old, crawling in the grass :)

6 months old

When you turned 6 months, I remember realizing how quickly time had already flown by. The tiny baby who was once content to lay in my arms and coo was now sitting up, eating solid foods, babbling up a storm, interacting with her big sister, and cutting her first tooth.

10 months old 

Your sweet disposition remained even as you grew. Always soulful. Always tender. Always loving.

Now at one year of age, I'm amazed at how much you've grown. You are crawling, laughing, pulling yourself up and so interactive.

Your favorite thing to do right now is pull things off shelves and out of drawers :) I suppose I should teach you not to do this, but it just does my heart so much good to see you so happy and occupied :) You've struggled a lot with not wanting to be away from me, so when I see you enjoying an independent activity, I smile. I know it means my baby is growing up, but that's the thing about motherhood. What breaks your heart also makes it sing.

I can't wait to watch your life unfold, my sweet Britsy. You are beautiful, tender, caring and soulful. You have a deep heart and strong intellect. You feel deeply and you love deeply. You have a ready smile and a pure heart.

I love you my beautiful Britany Zoe. I can't wait to watch you grow and change in the years to come. I know you will make such a caring big sister to your new little brother next spring. But for now, I"ll cuddle you close and let you be the baby. Because in so many ways you still are. Stay close to me, baby girl. When I look at that picture right above this, I can't help but wish I could somehow just keep you this way forever. I love the way your plump little cheeks are irresistible to kiss. The way your pudgy soft hands reach for mine. The way your nose crinkles when you smile. The way your high voice babbles baby talk. The way you crawl quickly to me when I walk into a room. The way you let out a squeal when you hear your Daddy walk in from work. The way you love us all, and we love you.

Thank you for joining our family, baby. We are all the better for having known you.

All my love,

Your Momma

The Best Birthday EVER!

Thursday was my birthday. I turned 22. Wow. Can I just say that I truly feel solidly into my twenties now? It feels like a big birthday even though in comparison to last year's 21, it's not really. But wow, I really do feel older this year.

I have to be honest, Birthdays are a big deal for me. They have been ever since I was a little girl. My family always made a HUGE deal out of birthdays... lots of presents, fun parties and a day dedicated completely to the birthday boy or girl.

One of the first "newlywed culture shock" moments for me came 22 days after our wedding day. It was my 19th birthday and I was beyond excited for what my first birthday as a married woman would bring. I woke up full of expectation... and was greeted with... NOTHING. I found out later that birthdays weren't quite the same big deal at Bryan's house growing up as they were at mine. His family celebrated them, of course, but not quite with the same "shabang" that I was used to. Later
that day, Bryan presented me with what he thought was a spectacular gift.. a beta fish. Yeah, you guessed it. I was less than excited... although I wouldn't have let him in on that... I remember that even though I understood that birthdays obviously just took different priorities in our minds, I still felt pretty disappointed.

Well, now here we are 3 years later and Bryan knows me just a little better ;) He knows that birthdays are special to me, and let me tell you... this year he went out of his way to make sure this one was VERY special :)

I woke up on Wednesday morning to the sounds of sizzling bacon and soft music. Moments after I had rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, my handsome husband walked through the door with a tray of sausage, egg and cheese on a toasted english muffin, some bacon and a tall glass of organic berry juice. The tray was even complete with a single red rose in a beautiful vase :) Exquisite!

Our family sat there enjoying our special breakfast in bed! (Peyton thought it was QUITE the event!)

After breakfast wrapped up, Bryan gave me a kiss and told me to shower and dress for the day. "Take all the time you'd like" he said, "I'll dress the kids." It's been a long time since I've taken my time in the shower like that :) I even rinsed and repeated.... ;)

We spent the morning together enjoying each others company. I had a pretty bad cold, so Bryan told me he was going to keep the whole day low key so that I could enjoy it even being sick. Once the kids were down for their noon-time nap, we pulled out our favorite board game (Cities & Knights of Catan!... love it! hahah) and enjoyed a quiet house, each others company and some very good conversation. During our game, Bryan served me a light lunch of shrimp cocktail... (You have no idea how amazing that is for me! I LOVE LOVE LOVE shrimp cocktail, but haven't been able to have it since I've been pregnant!!) I enjoyed it so much! Dark Chocolate was a perfect dessert... After our game, Peyton woke up and Bryan announced to me that I wasn't to do anything with her. It was my "day off" ;) ;) He slipped away upstairs for a few minutes and when he came back down, he told me to head up to the bathroom. I went up there, and when I opened the door I was met with candles EVERYWHERE! The bathroom had been covered in rose petals and a vase of roses stood on the counter. Soft music played and the tub held a full bath of sweet smelling bubbles :) My amazing husband served me a glass of bubbling pomegranate-apple cocktail, handed me the latest issues of my 2 favorite fashion magazines and then told me he was headed back downstairs to take care of the kids. Again, "Take all the time you'd like" was his gift to me! I sunk into that tub, sipped on my drink, poured over my magazines and enjoyed a solid hour of PURE BLISS!

After emerging from my sweet smelling heaven, my mom came by to pick up the girls.... Bryan surprised me by taking me out to my favorite restaurant for dinner.. just the two of us :) It was absolutely perfect and blissfully romantic. After dinner, we browsed a few shops and I picked up a great pair of boots, a beach bag for summer, and a new book. We picked up the kids and headed home to our clean house (courtesy of my husband during my bath!)

Once the kids were tucked in bed, Bryan gave me one last gift. My absolute favorite perfume... Paris Hilton.  (who by the way, makes the most INCREDIBLE perfumes. Every single one of her scents are absolutely beautiful. Think what you want about her as a person, but she makes some incredible perfume!!!)

As I lay in my husbands arms that night, I couldn't help but be blown away by how blessed and cherished I truly am. We've come a long way from the beta fish birthday, haven't we?! I love that Bryan went out of his way to make each moment of my birthday truly special. I am loved... and I can't remember a happier birthday.