I have to say, I feel like one very blessed woman lately.
Tonight as I was putting Peyton to sleep, I looked out the window at our beautiful front yard, and all I could think about was how undeserving I am of all God has given me!
Bryan and I wanted more than anything to "go the distance" for God. We wanted to offer Him our lives and our sacrifice no matter the cost. We crossed the ocean for Him, and we'd do it again. But tonight, as I stood in my home, rocking my daughter to sleep in her cozy room, I began to weep. Because I realize that right now, in this season, God doesn't want me to cross the ocean. He just wants my heart. That's all He's ever really wanted.
In South Africa, when the support wasn't coming in like we thought it would, we questioned God. We wondered if this was a test of our faith or our stamina. We asked God what He wanted from us, and we expected to hear Him answer in a thunderous clap with an obvious path... we searched for Him in the firestorm--just like Elijah did. But when we were down on our knees pleading with Him for an answer--it came--in a still, small voice. (We can be so thick headed!! We know the character of God, yet we look for Him to act outside of it on a daily basis.) His still small voice whispered one phrase: "A family to glorify Me."
I cried again tonight when I looked around our home and I saw all the things that God has brought to us to make this vision possible. People have given us so much since we've been back, and I see it as God blessing this path that He has sent us on. He is so faithful and true... and He is using His children to pass on His blessings.
And we are so undeserving! I am amazed and astonished at the goodness of God and His provision for us. But beyond that, I am so blessed to be walking forward in a calling that I not only have been commissioned to, but also one that I desire and enjoy with every fiber of my being.
I am so blessed!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. I was also blessed tonight to read a beautiful post on motherhood by my sweet friend Keri. If you have a few minutes, head over to her blog to read this post. It will re-focus your heart on parenthood, for sure!