Black Dirt.

I'm sitting here with an open window just behind my computer screen. I can see the glassy soldier blue lake in the evening glow of a setting sun. The grass is a lush green from a full day of downpours and puddles. The sky is gray but the sun casts a wealthy hue just over the horizon. The wind blows softly and all is just beginning to clear.

The dirt is black. Up until last week, the upturned earth out a very similar window where I sat was red. Red as bricks.

After almost a year of life in the South, the view out my window has changed. We moved back "home" to Minnesota. Back to the place we met, the place we fell in love, the place we brought home our first born. The one place I've lived longest in a full decade.

Changing your life is never easy. Saying goodbye that many times can't even be explained. Some may think that since we've moved so much, it's something we enjoy doing. It's not.

I'll say this once. We move, not for adventure, not of lack of maturity or responsibility, not of a whim, a restlessness or frustration. We move because we are following God. God is not concerned with my routine, my stability or my "roots". God is concerned with advancing His kingdom and I am a resource of His to be used in His way.

We moved here for my husband to take a youth pastor position at a small church in a small town. When I told God "I will go wherever, however, whenever and whyever" He took me seriously. Why was it easier for me to go Africa than to go to a small farming community in MN? God has his own plans. They are higher than mine. He doesn't need to follow my set of plans or my rules. He only needs a life surrendered to Him. His eyes SEARCH THE EARTH FOR HEARTS SURRENDERED.

There is a peace in obedience. A peace that even when you're criticized and laughed at and misunderstood, the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE is pleased. And everything else fades away in light of that awesome reality.

As I look out my window at the lake, the trees, the grass, the black as night dirt, I might as well be seeing the Promised Land. Because God has called me here and I need to ask no questions. And of course I doubt. I wonder. I hear the scoffing and and I read between the lines of skepticism and I lay at night and I wonder what we're doing here picking up our lives and leaving a career path for this... but then I remember... I was not made for here. What I invest in this life will be burned up and lost forever. What I invest in the next life is what will last and exist forever.

I cannot live for myself. It would be foolish to.

God has so clearly spoken that this is right. To ignore Him would be impossible.

When we get caught up in the glorious emotions that burn within God's heart as David did, we begin to see the tremendous unprecedented blessing and power God has planned for this hour in history. We lose our ability to settle for the same ol', same ol'. We burn like torches with strong vision as our fuel. We become people who contend for the power of God available to our generation. -Mike Bickle, "After Gods Own Heart"

One Word - 2013

It's a brand new year.

Last year I was inspired by Only a Breath to join her One Word movement. My one word for 2012 was Increase. Hopefully I'll find time to sit and do a review of 2012 post soon, but for now I want to focus on my one word for 2013.

I'm excited about this year's word.

It came to me during a prayer and worship time in my room. I was listening to new worship music and found the song "Beautiful Mercy" by Laura Hackett. (which I referenced in my last blog post). As I was singing that song back throughout the next couple of days, I kept going back to the one line that I quoted in my last post... "You brought me to the wilderness where I will learn to sing, you let me know my barrenness so I will learn to lean." And it struck me. This needs to be a year of leaning. A year of leaning into the Lord and pressing into Him. I need him so desperately. 2012 wasn't my easiest year. I not only nearly lost my new son's life in March but I also lost our baby in November. It was such a deeply difficult year. BUT in the midst of tragedy, I have found a deeper, stronger relationship with Christ. I truly feel as though in 2013, I am going to need to lean in. I feel it is urgent that I lean in so closely to Christ that I become intertwined with Him again. In the busyness of life and raising my children and keeping my home it is easy to just make Him just another part of the day. But I want so much more than that. I want to be leaning into Him so fully that He envelopes EVERY part of my day. I have a list of Godly inspirational books I want to read and the Bible tops the list. I want to kick my quiet time up a few million notches and I want to leave the prayer room live on constant play during my day. I want to not only lean into Christ myself, but I want my kids to also. I want to create an atmosphere of worship and leaning in my home.

I am so looking forward to what this year will bring. Leaning into Christ can only bear beautiful fruit in my heart and life. I am ready to lean in and know Him more. He has captivated me all over again and I am longing to find myself in Him. I am so thankful for the places He has brought me and for the hope and truth that He has never abandoned me. Even in brokenness, even in grief... He's been right there. I am so thankful He has given me a new year. I am so ready to lean in.

Welcome, 2013.