The changing of seasons always leads me to start thinking about the season of life I'm in right now. With the first snow flakes falling yesterday, I glanced out the window and began thinking about the changing of seasons in my own life. Of course, the obvious season I'm in right now, is a season of motherhood... and it's a season that will probably last for a few (or many!) years to come. But there's another season that I'm in as well.

It's been less than 2 months since we left the mission field, and I find that my heart is still not sure where to rest in regards to everything that happened. Bryan and I were talking yesterday, and we both realized that we still feel confused about how and why everything happened the way it did. There are still those moments when we feel condemned, lost, confused and unsure. Typically those moments are spurred by someone seeing us in church and saying something like, "Oh wow, I thought you were living in South Africa, what are you doing back?" And then of course, the awkward launching of the explanation... the uncertainty of whether or not they'll understand... and the secret feelings of judgment that you know you shouldn't presume.

This morning I told my mom a little of how I was feeling. She reminded me that God hasn't stopped using me simply because I'm no longer in Africa. She reminded me that there are daily opportunities to shine God's light. There are moments in each day that present themselves with the open door to share a truth that we've been given. There is a mission field in my own home....There is a little girl who climbs up on my lap about four dozen times a day, asking me to read her the same story yet again. There is a man who comes home tired and hungry from work each day, needing a good meal in his belly and clean sheets to lay down in. There is a child in my womb who relies on me for nourishment, breath and a secure place to grow and develop.

I do have purpose. Just sometimes I lose it in the midst of wishing for something more... something "greater". I continually assume that there must be something bigger I should be chasing after... when in reality what I've been given is what I am to be faithful with. And the caring and nurturing of human lives is certainly no small task. My life will change again. And again, and again. That's just the way it goes with the changing of the seasons. But I have a God who is constant, and who will lead me faithfully through each one.


Krystle said...

Your Mom is right on the money. For some reason our society has caused us to think that if we're not out hands-on rescuing orphans or preaching in the dirt covered streets or nursing those with AIDS we are not doing what we should be doing, or we are not doing enough.

You may never know what God did what He did, bringing you back so soon...or it may be a really really long wait. But she is right, He hasn't stopped using you, that's not what He does. There are millions of little things we do each day that allow us to be used of Him. Just being willing and available for Him is what He asks for. Whether that's at home with your precious family or away somewhere.
Don't downplay those moments, or those things, because God uses that little's HE who makes it big!

Callie Nicole said...

Good post, Claire - I sometimes feel the need to get involved in something "bigger", and I have to remind myself that the Lord does also call us to be faithful in the little things! And He'll show us those "big" things too, when it's time.

Stephanie M. Page said...

Yes Yes. Your mom is so right on. Not only does God have a plan to use you in your home, but he also has beautiful plans to use you outside your home as well. Every day he has plans for you..keep your ears and eyes open! The adventure continues....=)

Hannahsmommy said...

Hey Claire! I feel like we are old friends though we've never met. Often times when reading your posts I feel as though you have read my own thoughts. I also find myself chasing bigger things, praying that God would show me what his will for my life is-while all the time I am where God wants me to be. God can use me anywhere I am. I often find myself wondering after the thousandth diaper change, wiping sticky fingers and the cabinet they rubbed across, am I really making a difference? but then a little chubby faced girl comes at me mouth wide open for one of her special slobbery kisses, and I know it's all worth while. Praying for you!!! God has great things in store!!!

Danielle said...

God Bless your mother and her sage advice! Whatever the reasoning, God has you serving here in the states. Being a wife and a mother in a society that values those things less and less each year is no small calling! He has great plans for you and your family and right now it just happens to be for you to bloom right where you're planted!

~The Harrison Family~ said...

I have something I need to send you. I know, I know, I just sent you a little something but yeah, feeling I have something else that is totally pressing on my heart.

God has been speaking to my heart so much lately on motherhood and then confirming it in so many different ways since. It's awesome and so beautiful. God is so cool. Love you, praying for you and know that you are a world changer. Whether you are in Africa or Vermont. God wants to use us daily, even if it's a simple smile to someone in the grocery store. The opportunities are endless and when we start to pursue them, God can use us immensely and bless our socks off in return.

Hugs friend!!

Amanda said...

hey girl! thinking of you! i know God will use you and your husband right where you are. in His will and plans. enjoy this season of life to the fullest! hope you are having a wonderful day! :)

Truly His said...

Claire, WOW!! How powerful! "What you have done for the least of these, you have done unto me" You are a walking example. Never let the devil tell you otherwise, you are a BRIGHT light and I am so blessed by you! God has chosen you!!! Be blessed, dear friend!

Colin said...

I just think this is so powerful. To find purpose in the wake of having lost your purpose. When the last chapter ended, it felt like the book was finished, but it isn't. The new chapter is slowly being established. The scene is being laid out, the tension is being revealed. Slowly. To be conscious of that is to become aware that you are living a story. It's hard to conceive of our life that way, because we are inside of it and it doesn't feel the way a story typically feels. It's subtler. TV offers us stories in 60 minutes, but sometimes our stories take 60 years.

I'm so impressed - you are facing what is perhaps hardest about life with humility, with grace, and with honesty. Thank you for including us in it.