I'm Tired. Really Tired.

Do you ever feel like you have so much to write, that you're too overwhelmed to actually write it? And then it just builds up and builds up until it's EVEN more to write and you're even MORE overwhelmed? That's where I am.

And the bad news?

I'm too tired to tackle it tonight.

Forgive me, dear readers.

I was overly ambitious today I felt better when I got up this morning, so I jam packed my day full of activities, because, lets be honest... I was sick of sitting on my butt. Recovering from this surgery has convinced me that the life of laziness is NOT a life of luxury.

I got up early, fed Peyton her breakfast (which Bryan has been doing for the past week). I did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, took a shower, got ready to go out, went to the post office, stopped by the grocery store, came home, fed Peyton, fired up the stove tops and whipped up a gourmet dinner.

Despite the fact that I pushed it a little too much...

DINNER WAS GLORIOUS

I made Flat Iron Steak with Balsamic Reduction (quick side note, if you choose to make this dish, add about 1/2 cup of chopped grape tomatoes and add them just after you add the Balsamic vinegar... DELISH!) 

And then for my father, who just happens to hate steak... (it's a texture thing, he says) I made him his own Garlic Fried Chicken .

French Garlic-Butter Green Beans and Sun Dried Tomato Toast on the side... and Pecan Pie for dessert. Mmmm Mmmm good.

All in all, it was a great dinner.

But after all that work, I'm exhausted. And simply too tired to blog.

How sad is that? Especially considering the below facts:

1) I've already written a normal sized post. 

So much for my "too overwhelmed to write" bit.

2) Blogging doesn't take all that much work... 

...just your fingers have to move.

But to sum it all up, I'm absolutely exhausted and my first real day of feeling "recovered" and back to my normal life has left me RUNNING back to my resting place.. the couch.

I'm quickly headed for bed sores.

Surgery, you have bested me.... for now.

Being A Patient is a Virtue.

So here I lay on the couch, still attempting to recover from this surgery. I've been able to reduce my pain medication and am now just on Tylenol and Ibuprofen. I wanted to scale back on the drugs as quickly as possible because I'm still nursing Peyton.

My stomach hurts constantly, even on the painkillers. It's been so frustrating to only be able to lay in ONE position (on my back) and to have to rely on others for even the most basic activities. I can't stand up or lay back down by myself because my core is basically immovable. Bryan has to help me go to the bathroom, take a bath, and even lift me off the couch and back onto it. It's amazing what such vulnerable dependency does to you. I'm so blessed to have such an incredible husband who serves me so wonderfully. But it's frustrating to be unable to do basic things myself.

The hardest thing is to watch others care for my baby. All I want is to be able to feed her her pears for breakfast or to play with her on the floor. She misses me to... She keeps looking at me and reaching out for me and crying. Oh if only she know how much I'm aching to reach out to her!

I am so thankful that this recovery is predicted to be quick. I am able to take small walks around the house every few hours. They take alot out of me, but it's good for me to get my blood flowing. My neck hurts so badly from just laying here.

I haven't been blogging much, because truthfully there's not much to say. My days haven't exactly been action packed here on the couch!

But I have been doing a lot of thinking. And one thought that has crossed my mind is the irony of the word "patient". I am considered, a patient. "Someone is under medical care or treatment". But ironically, being a patient requires a ridiculous amount of the virtue: patience. Okay, I know I'm getting cheesy, but stay with me. It is tiring to just lay here and WAIT. Wait to recover. Wait to feel better. Wait for the next dose of painkillers to kick in. It's a challenging place to be, and honestly all I want to do is jump right up and do something for myself! But I have to be patient. I have to allow my body time to heal, and I have to wait before things can return to normal. It's such a challenge, but I am learning alot in this time. Alot about allowing myself to vulnerable. About allowing myself to be cared for... and also about allowing myself to be loved.

My husband has been amazing. He has truly shown me that he meant every word of our vows when he pledged to me that he would be there for me in sickness and in health. I'm sure it's not the sexiest thing in the world for him to have to lower me on to the toilet and wait for me to do my thing and then lift me off again. I'm sure it's downright UNsexy. But he does it anyway... and he even kisses me as he walks me there! I am so thankful for him and his love. He has been so great with Peyton through all of this, and has just stepped up to the plate and taken over. (However, I did get some satisfaction when he crashed into bed and tiredly admitted that my job as a mom is HARD WORK! I think he's really excited for me to get better because Peyton is wearing him out!!!)

Well, those are some of the thoughts swirling in my brain as I lay here, immobile. I hope you're all doing well tonight. Enjoy the little things today... Like walking around, or playing with your kids, or pouring yourself a cup of coffee... or even going to the bathroom by yourself! Just remember that there may be someone else who would LOVE to be able to do those simple things for themselves, but can't.

Recovering...

Welcome to Day 1 of recovery...

...to Ginger Ale, Percocets, and Jelly Toast...

...to a VERY sore belly with a VERY fashionable bandage...

...to a woosy head and aching shoulders...

In spite of having seen better days, I'm very thankful that the surgery went as well as it did. My husband was with me each step of the way, and my old youth pastor from high school (Joe Moore) came to pray with me before I went into the OR. They both kept me grounded and laughing before heading in. I had some great nurses who helped me relax and joked with me each step of the way. The last traces of rememberance I have is a male nurse coming in and telling me that what he was pumping into my IV was going to be the equivalent of 3 straight up, dry martinis... immediately my eyes glazed over and I got super tipsy feeling! Then the very last thing I remember was the nurses talking about how they were surprised to be operating on a young, thin patient as the average "victim" of gall bladder surgery is a 400lb person past the age of 40. Not sure if they were trying to compliment me or not... but I comtemplated that thought all the way to sleep... Then I woke up and someone told me I was in recovery. I immediately asked for my husband, who came rushing to my side with a cheery gift bag from the hospital gift shop. A fluffy penguin, a bag of gummy Lifesavers and a sweet love note!!

I was in and out of sleep for a couple of hours in the recovery room. I managed to stomach a popsicle and then was ready to try to pee. The nurse promised that if I could make it to the bathroom and go, then I could head home! I couldn't wait to get home and see my little bug! Peyton spent the day with my mom and I was so anxious to kiss her lovely face!

Now, at home, I'm definitely feeling it, but I'm being VERY well taken care of :) Peyton is playing on the floor nearby with Bryan. It's hard for me to not be able to pick up Peyton and care for her the way I'd like to, but at least I can watch her play! She's pretty anxious about me and keeps looking over at me and crying. I think she's really confused and frustrated as to why I'm not picking her up and nursing her. I can't wait until this all over so I can have a nice long cuddle with my baby girl.

Once again I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you who prayed for me during my surgery. I really felt your prayers and was so at peace during the entire ordeal. I feel so blessed to have so many people who were loving me and praying for me from all over. You all blessed me immeasurably and I pray that you will all be blessed in return! 

Tomorrow....

This is my last post before surgery tomorrow morning! I have to check in at the hospital at 7:15 AM and they'll perform the surgery at 9:15 AM. I'm sure I will have plenty of time to blog as I lay on the couch and recover!

Thank you all for your encouraging words and prayers! I feel so loved and cared for! I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the encouraging comments, texts, emails, facebook posts, and phone calls I've received! More on my surgery later :)

Moving on.... Today was "Visit Grandpa's Work" day! We decided to bring Peyton into my dad's office to see his fun engineering world! She had a lot of fun flirting with all his co workers, being cooed over, and of course, sitting at his desk!

She also wore his safety glasses and looked like a regular machinist! It was a lot of fun.

Peyton also had a check up today. Not normal to have a well check up at 7 months old but we were unhappy at our last pediatricians office, so we tried a new doctor this month. Here are the stats!! At 7 months and 1 week... Peyton is 14lbs 7.5oz and 26 1/4 inches long! She's 40th percentile for her height and 10th percentile for her weight. Still my little bug!

She had shots today :( Which I think is always more traumatizing for me than it is for her. She cried a little, but was pretty easily comforted. I'm so amazed at how brave she is. She never ceases to amaze me. She had her seasonal flu and her H1N1 shots. I was hesitant to have either of them done, but at the end of the day, I personally would rather have her have an unnecessary shot than die from an epidemic. It's hard to make all these decisions as a mother. All I can do is trust God and pray that His Holy Spirit will lead me through each and every decision I have to make.

Well, I'll be back tomorrow (I think) to let you know how surgery went! They predict that I'll be going home tomorrow afternoon if all goes well. I'm sure you'll hear from me tomorrow or the next day. PLEASE PRAY! I would really appreciate all the prayer I can get.

And I just have to throw it out there... one of my favorite shows starts a new season tonight! THE BIGGEST LOSER! A brand new season starts at 8pm ET tonight! I'm super excited! I wanted to avoid watching TV in the days leading up to my surgery because I know I'll be watching alot of it afterwards, but I just can't resist the Biggest Loser! Such an inspirational show! I've never struggled with weight the way they have, but I can relate their "journeys" to so many other areas of my life. The competitor's strength and resolve never ceases to amaze and inspire me! Annnnnd this upcoming season is the Biggest Loser: Couples! Even better!!!

They're Gonna Cut Me Open!

Guess what, blog readers?! I'm having surgery. And I'm TERRIFIED.

I'm not sure how much I blogged in the past about my gall stone situation. But I seem to have developed a whole bunch of big ol' gall stones during my pregnancy. They've been causing me pain since about September. I kept putting it off because of breastfeeding, but the pain has become intolerable (and now that Peyton is eating 3 meals of solid food a day, it's no problem for her to drink some pumped milk while I recover). I wake up in the middle of the night... doubled over and crying. It's horrible. And it lasts sometimes up to 6 hours without relief. Nothing really helps. Thus... they're going to cut me open! YIKES!

My surgery is scheduled for January 6th! THIS WEDNESDAY!!! Please Pray!

I've NEVER had surgery in my whole life. Still have my tonsils... still have my appendix... even still have my wisdom teeth. Peyton's birth was natural... not even a C-section under my belt. I'm terrified.

I've never been artificially put to sleep and I think that scares me more than the actually cutting open! Any words of consolation for me, dear readers?

I met the surgeon, and he's got about 15 years of experience under his belt and commented that he's done about 1,000 of these surgeries in the past couple months. I'm guessing that means I'm in good hands.

There will be only one incision in my belly button... the doctor says it will heal without even a mark (which I'm happy about... not that I intend to parade around in a bikini any time soon... but you know, a girl wants to look her best!)

I have the butterflies just thinking about all of this! Please, I covet your prayers and encouraging words! Do any of you have surgery stories to tell? (NO HORROR STORIES UNTIL AFTER I'M DONE, OKAY?)