Writing on the Wall

This is so unlike me to post so close together...haha.... but I just HAVE to share what God is laying on my heart.

I was laying in bed (it's 2:26 AM where I am) and God just wouldn't let me get to sleep. I kept hearing His voice beckoning me to get up and just be in His presence. I came out to my dining room table... selected a couple worship tunes on my iPod and settled in for some time with Him. I began to be convicted about some very specific things. I want to share them with you because there is power in confessing our sins one to another (Amen?!) and because I think it can be encouraging to some of you.

Bryan is gone from 8 AM until typically 11 PM everyday. with a short window of an hour or so around 5 PM for dinner. (He's been working 2 jobs as we prepare to head to South Africa in just a couple months) As a result, I spend hours and hours on end alone in the apartment with Peyton. I hate being alone... I just hate it. A great solution for me has been to have the TV on. Even if I'm not sitting there watching, to have it on while I do other things around the house helps me not feel so alone. But I got convicted tonight as I thought about the fact that I believe I have let my guard down with the types of things I allow to play on the TV. Nothing horrible... but things that I know are not God-honoring. I've allowed myself to get sucked into reality shows where there is really nothing Godly about it. I've listened to gossip, malice, slander and listened to comments about adultery, divorce and other things that God clearly hates.

God spoke to me tonight and convicted me SO strongly. What type of messages am I allowing my 9 month old daughter to soak up on a daily basis?! Even if she's not watching the TV, or even if she's not in the same room... those are messages that I am allowing into my house. I'm not writing this judgmentally, because I know that we all have different convictions on this type of subject. I'm just letting you all know what God is rebuking me about. I realized today that I want to control the messages that are being shoveled into my daughter's brain hour by hour. I want purity in this household. I began by writing a huge sign in sharpie that states the verse: "I will live with integrity of heart in my house. I will not set anything godless before my eyes. I hate the doing of transgression; it will not cling to me. A devious heart will be far from me; I will not be involved with evil." and then I pasted it to the TV. I want that reminder to blare at me every time I click the "on" button on my TV. I don't want to tolerate things that directly oppose my God. I CANNOT SERVE TWO MASTERS. I MUST CHOOSE DAILY WHO I WILL SERVE! (that sign is hung above my coffeemaker... where I'll be sure to see it as I start my day each morning! ;)

I know this sounds pious. It does even to me, who is writing it. But in all reality, this is NOT going to be easy. I'm going to have to give up watching some shows that frankly, I LOVE! I'm going to have to say no to things that I don't want to say no to. But in reality, it's more than worth it.

What matters more? A moments entertainment? Even a few hours of entertainment? Or an eternity of reward or lack thereof??? I think the answer is obvious. Does that make it easy? Nope. But it does help.

I also pasted verses on my wall about fear, about enduring to the end, about meditating on God's word, about setting an example, and on my fridge are verses about the Proverbs 31 wife and a list of the values talked about in Titus 2 for wives.

I want the messages in my home to be messages of godliness. I want my daughter see and hear words of life and of godliness... not words of slander, gossip, and death. Tomorrow I want to pray over her and ask her personally for forgiveness that I have not guarded her heart more intentionally.

I want to ask you, as my blog readers... to keep me in your prayers. I really am trying to move forward and take some huge steps not only in my relationship with the Lord, but also in my position as mother and co-guardian of this household. Will you pray for strength for me?


Kayla Christine said...

Hey, Claire!
Thanks for being honest! Confessing our sins publicly is a brave thing to do, and you are right, there is power in confessing sins openly. I was in a place once when I was mentoring that I had to confess sin to my girls and that was sooo hard! I know that it takes guts! I am proud of you! I hope that it inspires other people to do the same.

sheri said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. The Lord has been convicting me of the same. It is hard, but it helps to know you are walking through it too. As I struggle I will pray for you as well.
I am so thankful that my son has a wife like you. Sensitive to the Holy Spirit, willing to share your weaknesses, a wonderful mother to our granddaughter. I love you Claire.

Leigh said...

Claire I am so encouraged by this, and I want to encourage you in your obedience! God will surely bless you for this and as you soak in His word that you have posted in your home. When Peyton is older you can explain to her the choice you made and that will be an incredible example to her!

Brittany Ciara Sheets said...

Oh Claire, this post is such a blessing and really opened my eyes. There are so many things in my home I consider ungodly, yet, do nothing about it. I in no way blame my mother, however, I try everyday to share the Word of God with her. I don't think my mother has every really truly accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior and pray for her salvation each day. You too, Claire, as well as your family, will be in my prayers. God bless now, forever and always.

Ria Thurston said...

Claire! Praying for you! This is SO good. SO SO SO good. Wow, thank you for sharing and putting it all out there... you will be greatly rewarded for walking in obedience. Sacrifice is better than obedience (talks about that someonewhere in 1 kings or samuel - mind blank). You are sacrificing & obeying!! I know that the Lord is soooo proud of you!

Anonymous said...

Claire Bear! This is Emily Kissell!! Wow!! I am so proud of you!! This is amazing!!! I love that even though Peyton is only 9 months you are willing to go to her now and apologize!! Yes, this will be hard but SO good!!! :) aww I'm just so happy for you! :) Personally, I love conviction and confession (although it's hard to open up sometimes) because it brings me that much closer to Him and how I'm supposed to be! The freedom it brings and the cleansing is awesome! :) God Bless you Claire Bear!! :) Love you! :)

Just Me said...

You do not sound pious! What goes in is what comes out! =) This is hard, especially because you are home all day with no adults. =( I have had times of conviction like this too. God desires us to be holy and set apart, you are on the right track girlfriend, and I think that this is a very well thought out post!!Some of my best times with Jesus happen in the middle of the night. =)

Ria Thurston said...

Hey Girly! Left you some blog love at my bloggg today :) Happy Saturday!

A Lil Story said...

Thank you for sharing... this was a great thing for me to read today as I am battling some worldly things in my life as well that I feel are holding me back from my relationship with God.

I will pray for you, I think you are doing a great thing by listening to what God is revealing to you and taking the steps to change things =) I hope you can say a prayer for me as well!