Self RE Discovery and an Invitation!

I called this post Self Re-Discovery because I feel like that's the journey I'm on in my life right now. For the past year, my life has been basically CONSUMED in all senses of the word, with Peyton.

From the time I got pregnant in September 2008, my life has completely revolved around her. Any of you women who have been pregnant know that when you are pregnant, that's the story of your life for those 8-9 months. Everything you do is basically ruled by that pregnancy... what you eat, what activities you engage in, how you sleep, what decisions you make, how you move... everything! Then at 27 weeks of pregnancy we spent hours in the hospital running tests, praying and hoping that Peyton had not inherited my genetic heart defect. We pleaded with God for a healthy little heart. We walked away from that appointment finding that not only did my little baby have a PERFECT 4 chamber heart, but I had been healed of my congenital heart disorder as well! And then towards the end of my pregnancy I was diagnosed with Intraheptic Cholestasis which brought with it it's own sets of fears and dilemmas. I was up most nights with extreme itching all over my body, and had to fight fear on a daily basis as I knew that this disease could easily and quickly take my baby from me... leaving me to labor for a stillborn daughter. But praise God, she came bursting into this world healthy and perfect on May 29, 2009... but then of course, my life ceased to be about myself in a new capacity. My days were spent feeding, changing, feeding, changing.... attempting sleep somewhere in the midst of it. And then Peyton's weight gain issues took another toll on my heart. She stopped gaining weight from ages 2 months to 4 months. I feared once again for her wellbeing. We found out that my breastmilk had a very low calorie count and Peyton wasn't recieving the high calorie content that her body demanded from my milk. Formula supplements saved her life.

What I'm trying to say through that synopsis of my journey with Peyton, is that my life hasn't been solely about myself in a long time. Not that it ever really should be... I mean, I'm not here to promote selfishness. I am first and foremost a servant of Jesus, which requires me to be a selfless wife and mother. But.. that doesn't mean that I lose who I am in the midst of my calling.

So who am I? That's what I'm seeking to figure out again. I'm piecing together moments in my life to quilt my story. At the end of the day, although I am a full time housewife and mom, I still have dreams and aspirations. I still have conviction and desire... an innate sense of purpose and hope.

I have been reading the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge. It has been healing for me thus far. I am only a couple chapters into it and I already feel washed, discovered and renewed.

It reminds me of the deepest desires of my heart... of the little girl who used to spend hours twirling in her frilly pink skirt to the music in her heart. A little girl who was captured by the wonder of catching fireflies and watching them twinkle in her palm. A little girl who loved to ride horses if only to feel the wind flying through her hair... wild, beautiful and free.

I have re-opened a part of my soul that I seem to have lost in the drudgery of daily life. Perhaps it wasn't lost... simply perhaps buried in circumstance. Hidden in responsibility under a pile of laundry and dirty dishes.

In opening this new chapter in my life, I am also opening a new chapter in my blog. I want this blog to help all of you women who read it... to re-discover yourselves. To remember what made you feel like a princess when you were 5 years old. To remember what it felt like to dream that one day you would be like Rapunzel in a stone tower... waiting to be rescued by the only man brave enough to slay the dragon. I want to take you through the pages of this wonderful book, as I uncover how I can still be that princess in my daily life.

Because the truth is, we all were princesses caught in a stone tower. But our prince didn't just slay the dragon for us. He took the fire for us. He died for us... and now he has gone to prepare a place for us. And one day He will ride in on His white horse and whisk us away to His castle! How beautiful that the deep desire of every little girl's heart is truthfully placed there by God because He will one day fulfill it!

I'm so excited to walk through not only this book, but also this journey with you. Will you join me, princesses?